by Lisa Steele-Maley
I began writing very soon after my Dad died, trying to make sense of what he and I had just been through together and hoping to write my way to some sort of understanding of how to move forward with the new experiences and insights I had just glimpsed.
As I wrote, I realized how much isolation I had felt in the years with my Dad. Giving words and voice to my experiences freed me from that isolation and my perspective began to broaden.
That was when I realized that by sharing my experience in a book, I could support others in feeling less isolated in their own experiences of giving or receiving care.
Once I decided that I would be sharing this writing, my project gained structure and heightened purpose. I was no longer solely writing to understand my experience, I was also writing to support others navigate their own.
The Connection Between Wilderness Travel and Caregiving Was Obvious from the Beginning
The biggest writing challenge that I faced was figuring out how to alternate the caregiving narratives with the complementary wilderness experiences in a way that would feel natural to the reader.
While the connection between wilderness travel and caregiving was obvious to me from the beginning, the correlation needed to be built intentionally and explicitly.
Including the wilderness themed narratives at predictable intervals turned them into respite from the intensity of the caregiving narrative.
This not only established a nice rhythm for the book, it helped ensure that the central focus remained the experience of caregiving.
I Have Never Had as Clean a House as When Writing This Book!
The biggest challenge that I faced was maintaining the courage and strength to go into the hard places in order to tell the stories about our experience that were most resonant for me.
To write truthfully and meaningfully, I had to remember the emotions that accompanied experiences. For me, that remembering meant re-embodying the embarrassment, joy, sorrow, disappointment, grief, etc…
In order to maintain the energy and courage to delve back into the hard stuff, I wrote each morning after an hour of yoga and with a box of tissues by my side. I would write for 2-3 hours/morning and focus on one experience per day.
When I was done I would shift gears by writing something light, taking a run or walk, or cleaning the house. I have never had as clean a house as when I was writing the first draft of this book!
Stories Knit Us All Together
Writing and sharing this book has convinced me that stories knit us all together.
While our personal experiences are singular, they are all part of the web of human experience. This understanding has given me courage to share more openly about my life and to offer what I know.
It has also made me more curious about other people’s lives and experiences.
We Are Meant to Step In Close with One Another
We are meant to step in close with one another, to walk through the peaks valleys and meadows of our lives with others.
We can step into opportunities to give and receive care throughout our lives. Our families and communities will be better for it and we will live and die with greater peace and grace.
Advice for a Young Writer: Write from Your Heart as Well as Your Head
Words are powerful. Write what you need to say first and write from your heart as well as your head.
Worry about what readers might want to read second. Stay true to your own voice and intention from first words to final proof.
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After growing up in small towns of New England and Wisconsin, Lisa Steele-Maley developed a strong connection to the affirming rhythms of the natural world while working in the mountains and coasts of Alaska and Washington.
She is an ordained Interfaith Chaplain who currently lives in an aging farmhouse on the coast of Maine with her husband, two teenage sons, and a handful of animals.
Lisa shares reflections from the hearth and trail at her website. Without A Map: A Caregiver’s Journey through the Wilderness of Heart and Mind is Lisa’s first book.
Without a Map: When Lisa Steele-Maley began helping her father navigate the details of a life interrupted by dementia, she was in unfamiliar territory. Only one thing was for sure: her father was losing perspective—losing track of time, the slippers at his feet, and the ability to find his way home. Lisa wasn’t sure she had the skills, experience, or patience to competently travel this path with him, but taking one step at a time, she found it was as simple—and as profound—as life in the wilderness: Chop wood, carry water. Be prepared, be present. Trust the process, stay close.
Without a Map weaves together Lisa’s experience of caregiving with lessons gleaned from decades of wilderness travel, rural living, and parenting.
Revealing the uncertainty, love, wisdom, and mutuality of a caregiving relationship, this memoir is a powerful contribution to our country’s conversation about dementia and aging, and it is a gift of comfort, courage, and companionship for caregivers on a similar journey.
Available on Amazon, Red Wheel Weiser, and Sherman’s Main Coast Bookshops.
You’re welcome ~ and your stories will be so welcomed by people who are facing loss (that’s all of us…). Thank you for writing.
Great Lisa!
I really enjoyed this post. I’ve been wanting to write about my own experiences with loss but I assumed nobody would want to read that. Some of the things you said here have changed my mind. Thank you.