5 Gremlins that Like to Destroy Your Writing Productivity

Do you have gremlins messing up your writing process?

Back when the COVID-19 was in full swing, I was visiting my parents. There were no new releases at the movie theater, but the small local theater was playing an old favorite: Gremlins. My mom and I hadn’t seen it for many years, but we remembered when it first came out and thought it might be fun to see it again.

We enjoyed the movie, particularly the scene where Polly Holliday’s character (Ruby Deagle) gets tossed out the window by a rigged stair climber. For a laugh, check it out here:

 

In the days that followed, I thought about the gremlins that can come into our lives—particularly our writing lives. Despite our best efforts to reach our yearly publishing goals, there are times when things go wrong and we’re left confused about what happened.

Might a gremlin have messed with your writing today? In the spirit of Halloween, read on for new “rules” you must follow to outwit these devious critters.

Gremlins 1. Destructive Stripe

Stripe was the main antagonist in the movie—the nasty Gremlin who tried to kill cute little Gizmo.

In the writer’s life, Stripe is constantly at work trying to sabotage any equipment you may have, including your desktop computer, laptop, printer, and tablet. Whenever he can, he’ll get into the inner workings of these machines and mess them up so that just when you need them most, they’ll refuse to work for you.

Worse, you may lose a big chunk of the story you were working on. (Striiiiiiiiipe!)

New Rule: Have backups for everything. Back up your files regularly to either a cloud server or an external hard drive.

Also, have a backup printer (there are many available now for around $50 or less) and a backup computer or tablet you can write on. This may seem excessive, but trust me, you’ll be happy to have them when your machines break down because of gremlin interference.

The best way to build up your supply is simply to keep the old computer (or tablet) around when you get a new one. Then the old one will be there to use in a pinch. Get yourself an extra printer too—one for your desktop computer and one for your laptop or simply to use as a spare. I have a travel printer for my laptop and it’s been a lifesaver during those times when sneaky gremlins sabotaged my main desktop printer.

2. Sneaky Earl

After Gizmo was accidentally exposed to water, he produced five babies. Earl was one of them. The science teacher performed experiments on him, which Earl clearly did not like. After Earl managed to turn himself into a nasty gremlin, he sneaked up on the science teacher and killed him.

In the writing life, Earl is your writing deadline. It seems harmless at first, but then it gradually sneaks up on you. If you’re not paying attention, it will attack from behind. You’ll end up stressed and overwhelmed trying to get the work done you should have been doing all along.

New Rule: Keep a sharp eye on Earl—don’t let his cute appearance fool you. Respect his strength and cunning and plan for the work you’ll need to complete each week to be ready when your deadline arrives. Check-in at least once a week to make sure you haven’t fallen behind.

Gremlins 3. Thieving Mugger

The Mugger gremlin was one of the many who caused general havoc at the town bar. He wore a hat with three holes in it like a mask and would have shot the damsel in distress had not her valiant boyfriend interfered.

In the writing life, Mugger steals your time at every turn. When you spend 15 extra minutes scrolling through your Facebook feed, that’s the thieving Mugger. When you watch an extra hour of television, spend 30 minutes going off on a research tangent, or blow your 45-minute commute shouting at other stupid drivers, you may hear Mugger cackling in the background.

New Rule: Remember the Mugger is masked, which makes him difficult to identify. Do some detective work. Keep a diary for a week so you can discover those occasions when he took over, luring you into a useless waste of time.

Once you’ve identified where Mugger tends to show up, put up some safeguards to protect yourself. Set a timer when going through social media. When it goes off, go do something else. Shut the TV off when your program is finished. Take an audiobook with you on your commute. Give yourself a set time to research and then when the time is up, switch to writing. With a few precautions, you can keep this gremlin from stealing your precious time.

4. Overexposed Flasher

There’s a scene in the movie where one of the gremlins flashes the damsel in distress. He’s wearing a long trench coat and sunglasses, and when the young girl notices him, he opens the coat and flashes her.

In the writing life, Flasher compels you to talk too much about the story you’re working on. You reveal so many details that when it’s time to go back and work on the story, you find you’ve lost your excitement for it.

New Rule: If you’ve noticed Flasher robbing you of your writing energy in the past, vow to keep it zipped up at least until your first draft is finished. After that, if you need to talk to someone go ahead, but choose carefully and make sure your friend will support you no matter what.

If you’re not sure if it’s safe to talk about your story, take the cautious route: stay silent until it’s near time for your book launch. That’s the only way to be sure Flasher keeps his coat on.

Gremlins 5. Bogart

The Bogart gremlin is also in the bar during the big gremlin gathering there, but he’s more of an observer. He sits in the back smoking a cigarette and bobbing his head to jazz music. He wears a brown-black trilby hat—an homage to Humphrey Bogart—and is depressed. We see him crying at one point, much to the amusement of the other gremlins.

In the writing life, Bogart is the one who brings you down. He hopes that if he gets you feeling depressed enough, you won’t write, which of course destroys your productivity. The longer he can keep that low mood going, the more satisfied he is.

New Rule: Don’t allow your mood to determine whether or not you write. Write when you’re happy, sad, discouraged, triumphant, and everything in between. The best way to do this is to have designated times to write each week and stick to those times no matter what, even if all you do is stare at the page or write about how you feel.

Continuing to write keeps your creative muscles in shape, and is also likely to help you recover from a difficult mood more quickly than not writing. Of course, if you truly need a vacation feel free to take one, but on the whole, a regular writing schedule is your best defense against Bogart.

What writing gremlins have messed with your productivity?