When Life Goes Bad, Where’s the Hope for Writing?

by Laura Libricz

When we set off on our creative path, do we freely skip through the flowers, hone our craft, sell lots of the finished product and retire early?

It’s all about living the dream, right?

For some, that may be the case. For others, like the most of us, it’s about filling ourselves with joy by producing a thing of beauty or of significance that will outlive us. Fulfilling an inherent need of expression.

It’s the feeling of accomplishment we have after a good day in the studio or at the computer. The joy of the journey, so to speak.

Words are the Medium I Feel Most Comfortable Expressing Myself With

I am a writer. I have always been a writer. Words are the medium I feel most comfortable expressing myself with. I would love to be a musician but my musical ability only goes so far.

Today my writing skills develop to a new level every time I write. At least I feel that way. But there is a price I pay for this. Expressing myself through this most trusted emotional channel does not come easy.

Through the years I have come up against blocks that have stopped any creative flow and derailed projects altogether. Right now is one of those times.

After Intense Writing Sessions, I Find It Necessary to Apply Bandages to the Wounds

When I write, I open myself up to all sorts of triggers. To write from a fictional character’s point of view, I need to understand how they feel. A lot of empathy is required to make the character believable.

This is a curse and a blessing at the same time. Drawing from past situations, analyzing and reliving personal experiences, can be painful, similar to a therapy session. After intense therapy sessions, a good therapist will apply “bandages” to the wounds.

And after intense writing sessions, I find the same is necessary.

Giving Up My Alcohol “Crutch” Helped My Creativity Blossom

For years, I found the best way to ease the pain was alcohol. But that old friend let me down. I had to stop.

At the time, I feared that having this crutch abruptly taken from me would be the end to my writing. But au contraire! Once the fog lifted, my creativity blossomed. My concentration improved.

After close to eight years, I finally finished the first and second books of the historical fiction series Heaven’s Pond. I also found a great home for my books, the publisher Blue Heron Book Works.

How Applying for a U.K. Visa Resulted in Writer’s Block

I am now in the middle of writing the third and final book in the series. I have researched and outlined, done all the footwork, and am ready to prepare the second draft for my editor.

But every time I sit down to write, I am struck dumb.

What is this, writers’ block? No, I don’t believe in writers’ block but I have reached one of the darkest moments in my career if not my life.

I met the man of my dreams, my muse, my partner, my twin soul. We lived together for the last four years. We were married last year. He’s been my sounding board, the wind beneath my wings, the one who puts me back together after I fall apart on paper. We lived together in Germany and, in January this year, decided to move to his native England. I’m not English but American. Easy peasy, right?

Wrong. I applied for a U.K. visa in February, half-heartedly I do admit. We moved our entire household to England in March. Hubby went to settle in the apartment and I waited in Germany for word on my visa. I waited and waited. None came. No, applicants cannot contact the visa office. No way.

Finally, researching the visa process a bit more closely, I realized what a mess I had made of the application.

When Things Go Badly in Life, Where’s the Hope for Writing?

My visa was refused in May and the fault lies solely with me, I know. As a result of this, I am not allowed to enter the U.K. I have now reapplied, this time with the help of a professional visa processing office.

We have given them what they require: every sensitive personal document you can imagine in original, as well as wedding photos, emails, and WhatsApp chats, because they don’t believe we’re really married. Heck, they don’t believe we’re real people! The waiting game begins again.

Living in limbo is another world all together. Have you ever tried it? Thanks to the powers-that-be for my family who have offered me refuge. I thankfully had a little bit of money and could buy clothes. But I need a day job and can’t take one on because I may be emigrating this week, or next week, or the week after, depending on the window of time they assign me to travel to the U.K. That is, if I can go at all!

I began this journey five months ago. I’ve lost my soul mate, what little faith I had, I can’t write, don’t drink anymore, don’t have a job or a car or an apartment, I’m living in limbo.

Where’s the hope?

Is There a Way to Marry the Compulsion to Write with the Compulsion for Fitness?

As well as having a deep passion for writing, I also have a passion and a professional background in all aspects of the fitness industry, from personal training, group instruction to running my own sports complex.

For me, these two professions, these two obsessions, have been warring with each other my whole life. I have always believed they were incompatible.

There were times I was fully engaged in power sports, from martial arts to weight lifting to group fitness, and my creativity suffered. Was stifled. Non-existent.

Just the same, the times I was writing full-time, glued to my seat, staring at the computer, fully engrossed in the project, I had to write down every bite of food that went in my mouth, weigh portions, count points. There was no way to marry the two compulsions, was there?

As I got older, power sports naturally gave way to more refined styles. I discovered a love of proper, classic Pilates training and, through this, found more endurance to write. But now, during this state of limbo, my Pilates training has also stopped, another loss I grieve.

How Practicing Yoga Helped Me Find Hope

Which brings me to a new-found love and that is yoga.

I am new to yoga and immediately found compatibility with creativity and room for spiritual development. Daily practice is grounding me and showing me that there can be peace in a state of uncertainty.

Yoga coupled with a rediscovered love of hiking shows me to a place of quiet contemplation, that place where my writing begins.

It is a safe place to go when I am falling apart. My mind frees in ways I imagine people through the ages have freed their minds. Time takes on a different meaning in this rush-rush world.

I have found that little spark of hope that’s in my heart, that’s in all our hearts. I feel my heart opening to the world. I have had moments of accepting the uncertainty of my situation.

I have found hope.

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Pennsylvania native Laura Libricz earned a BA in German at The College of New Paltz, NY in 1991 and moved to Germany, where she resides today. When she isn’t writing she can be found sifting through city archives, picking through castle ruins or aiding the steady flood of musical instruments into the world market. A fascination with the country’s history has led her to recreate the 17th century for English speaking readers in the historical novel series Heaven’s Pond. The Master and the Maid is the first book in the series. The Soldier’s Return is the second.

For more about Laura and her work, please see her website, or connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, or LinkedIn.

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The Master and the Maid: She’s lost her work, her home and her freedom. Now, harboring a mysterious newborn, she could lose her life.

In 17th Century Germany on the brink of the Thirty Years War, 24-year-old Katarina is traded to the patrician Sebald Tucher by her fiancé Willi Prutt in order to pay his debts. En route to her forced relocation to the Tucher country estate, Katarina is met by a crazed archer, Hans-Wolfgang, carrying a baby under his cloak. He tells her an incredible story of how his beloved was executed by a Jesuit priest for witchcraft right after the birth and makes Katarina—at sword point—swear on her life to protect the child.

But protecting the child puts Katarina at risk. She could fall in disfavor with her master. She could be hunted by the zealots who killed his beloved. She could be executed for witchcraft herself. Can Katarina’s love for the baby and Sebald Tucher’s desire for her keep the wrath of the zealots at bay?

Set in Franconia, The Master and the Maid is an accurate, authentic account of a young woman’s life in Germany in the 1600’s, her struggle for freedom and her fight for those she loves.

Available at Amazon.

The Soldier’s Return: Mercenary soldiers terrorize the German countryside. Three unlikely companions must fight together to survive.

The year is 1626. A senseless war rips through parts of Germany. Ongoing animosity between the Catholics and the Protestants has turned into an excuse to destroy much of the landscape situated between France, Italy and Denmark. But religion only plays a minor role in this lucrative business of war.

The young Dutchman, Pieter van Diemen, returns to Amsterdam in chains after a period of imprisonment in the Spice Islands. He manages to escape but must leave Amsterdam in a hurry. Soldiers are in demand in Germany and he decides to travel with a regiment until he can desert. His hope of survival is to reach Sichardtshof, the farm in Franconia, Germany; the farm he left ten years ago.

His desire to seek refuge with them lies in his fond memories of the maid Katarina and her master, the humanist patrician Herr Tucher. But ten years is a long time and the farm has changed. Franconia is not only torn by war but falling victim to a church-driven witch hunt. The Jesuit priest, Ralf, has his sights set on Sichardtshof as well. Ralf believes that ridding the area of evil will be his saving grace. Can Pieter, Katarina and Herr Tucher unite to fight against a senseless war out of control?

Available at Amazon.