by Anita Kushwaha
Ernest Hemingway famously said, “There is nothing to writing.
All you do is sit at a typewriter and bleed.”
While this quote might seem a tad hyperbolic, it nevertheless speaks to the costs of leading an artist’s life. The deeply personal investment it takes to share part of yourself with others. The vulnerabilities that true self-expression demands and requires. There’s no denying the list of emotional challenges that accompany being a writer is long.
As Writers, We’re Exposed to an Uncommon Amount of Judgment
I think the greatest for me have been rejection and fear of rejection. As writers, we’re exposed to an uncommon amount of judgement and criticism in our professional lives. It’s not something we ever escape as emerging or established writers.
I remember how hard it was on my self-esteem when I was querying agents and the way I would have to psych myself up every time I checked my email, knowing the passes that awaited me there.
Later, when I found an agent, it was the same roller coaster of emotion as we shopped my manuscript around.
Oh, and the pain of that first harsh review. It’s hard not to take rejection personally; it is rocket fuel for self-doubt, and self-doubt is poison to creativity.
To Deal with Rejection: Commiserate with Writing Friends
While it takes time and practice to learn how not to internalize rejection, if you’ve committed to the long haul of this writing life, then figuring out how to maintain your stamina, dampen the noise, and keep yourself going—keep yourself writing—is crucial, not only to your overall goals, but most importantly to your health and well-being.
After all, writing isn’t your life. Your life is your life, and it deserves at least as much care and attention as you give your work.
Over the years, I’ve practiced self-care in many forms to balance out the heaviness of rejection. Commiserating with writer friends is probably my go-to. I have a core group of people who I trust with both my successes and disappointments.
Sharing with them reminds me that I’m not alone in the trenches, that rejection is par for the course, nothing more than a necessary step in the accomplishment of a goal. I allow myself to grieve for a little while, perhaps an evening or two, and indulge in comforting things.
I Decided I Wasn’t Going to be Yanked This Way and That by Approval and Disapproval
As a yoga teacher, I also lean on asana and breathwork to counterbalance negative energy.
Related to yoga, philosophically, is the idea of detachment. At some point early in my career, I decided that I wasn’t going to be yo-yo, yanked this way and that by both approval and disapproval alike. It was too exhausting, and more significantly, too distracting from what really mattered to me: the work.
Now, I try as best as I can to view things at arms-length and with equanimity. It takes practice. A lot. My success varies on a daily, if not minute-by-minute, basis. But I still try.
I’ve Worked Out Many a Tricky Plot Point While On a Brisk Walk
Lastly, I love the outdoors and believe strongly in the therapeutic powers of nature.
Since writing is a life of the mind, it’s important for me to balance out all the time I spend in my head with ample time spent in my body. I crave movement every day.
Going for a walk, run, or bike ride are a huge part of my wellness routine and help to not only rejuvenate me but also inspire my writing. I’ve worked out many a tricky plot point while on a brisk walk through the farms near our home.
Nothing is Worse than Not Being Able to Do What’s In Your Heart
The challenges of this writing life are many, it’s true. But I can say from experience, as difficult as those challenges may seem at times, nothing is worse than not being able to do what you feel is in your heart.
I spent the first thirty years of my life living someone else’s vision for me while surpressing my own. Although the career path I was on was enriching, I wasn’t satisfied. Deep down, I knew I was meant to be doing something else.
When I finally made the leap and committed to my passion, I quickly learned that living my dream was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done and there were no guarantees of success. In the early days, I remember thinking it was never going to happen. There seemed to be so many obstacles standing between me and the accomplishment of my dream.
The only thing that kept me going was perseverance. That remains true as my career continues to grow. Yes, obstacles are frustrating, but they’re never greater than my desire to share my stories with the world. That’s my goal.
What’s Important is Sharing Your Story
The other day, a young writer approached me at a reading and asked if the fear ever goes away. She meant the fear of rejection, the fear of being excommunicated from the tribe for sharing the truth you know.
I think she might have been a little disappointed when I told her that the fear never really goes away. But the fear isn’t important. What’s important is your story and sharing the truth you know.
How much do you want to share it? Focus on that desire, not fear. Focus on the work, because in the end, the work is the only thing that matters. Everything else is noise. Learn to tune it out. Keep going, keep writing.
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Anita Kushwaha grew up in Aylmer, Quebec. Her road to publication included a fulfilling career in academia, where she studied human geography at Carleton University and earned an M.A. and a Ph.D. She is also a graduate of the Humber School for Writers creative writing program.
Her first novel, Side by Side, won an Independent Publisher Book Awards Silver Medal for Multicultural Fiction in 2019. She is also the author of a novella, The Escape Artist. Her second novel, Caught in a Lie, will be published in 2020 by HarperCollins Canada. She lives in Ottawa.
For more information on Anita and her work, please see her website, or connect with her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
Side by Side: Kavita Gupta is a woman in transition. When her troubled older brother, Sunil, disappears, she does everything in her power to find him, convinced that she can save him. Ten days later, the police arrive at her door to inform her that Sunil’s body has been found. Her world is devastated. She finds herself in crisis mode, trying to keep the pieces of her life from falling apart even more.
As she tries to cope with her loss, the support system around her begins to unravel. Her parents’ uneasy marriage seems more precarious. Her health is failing as her unprocessed trauma develops into more sinister conditions. Her marriage suffers as her husband is unable to relate to her loss. She bears her burden alone, but after hitting her lowest point, she knows she needs to find a better way of coping.
Desperate for connection, she reaches out to a bereavement group, where she meets Hawthorn, a free-spirited young man with whom she discovers a deep connection through pain. After being blindsided by a devastating marital betrayal, she wonders if a fresh start is possible in the wake of tragedy. Will she escape her problems and start over? Or will she face the challenges of rebuilding the life she already has?
Side by Side is a story about loss, growth and the search for meaning in the wake of tragedy, illuminated through one woman’s journey from harm to care.
Available at Inanna Publications, Amazon CA, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Waterstones.