7 of My Favorite Jokes About Writers

Jokes about writers. Have you heard any?

Laughter is the best medicine, they say. Studies have proven it to be true. When we laugh, we ease stress and anxiety, boost the immune system, improve mood, support heart health, burn calories, and even relieve pain.

Laughing at ourselves might be even better—particularly for writers. We tend to take our work and ourselves quite seriously most of the time, and it can help to step back and find the humor in our own situations.

According to a 2011 study, researchers examined a group of people’s reactions to funhouse mirror images of themselves. Those who laughed most frequently also showed fewer signs of fake smiles or negative emotions.

Study author Ursula Beermann, Senior Lecturer at the Institute of Psychology at the University of Innsbruck, told Time magazine that the ability or proclivity not to take yourself too seriously may mean you’re prepared to “acknowledge that you are not the center of the universe.”

So in the spirit of lightening up, I’ve collected seven of my favorite jokes about writers below. Hope they bring a little laughter into your day.

Jokes About WritersIf Moses were alive today he’d come down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments and spend the next five years trying to get them published.

A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.

One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader’s digest and writers cramp.

What do you get when you cross a writer with a deadline?
A really clean house.

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”
The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?”
“Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”

Three guys are sitting at a bar.
#1: “…Yeah, I make $75,000 a year after taxes.”
#2: “What do you do for a living?”
#1: “I’m a stockbroker. How much do you make?
#2: “I should clear $60,000 this year.”
#1: “What do you do?”
#2: “I’m an architect.”
The third guy has been sitting there quietly, staring into his beer, when the others turn to him.
#2: “Hey, how much do you make per year?”
#3: “I guess about $13,000.”
#1: “Oh yeah? What kind of stories do you write?”

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and began to yell, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”? She was having contractions.

A screenwriter receives a parrot for his birthday. The bird is fully grown, with a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every other word out of his beak is an expletive. The writer tries hard to change the parrot’s behavior: he says polite words, plays soft music, anything he can think up to set a good example. Nothing works.

He yells at the bird, and the bird yells back. He shakes the bird, but the bird just becomes more angry and rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments, he hears the bird squawk, swear, and scream. Suddenly, there’s a deathly quiet.

The guy’s frightened, thinking he might have injured the bird, so he quickly opens the freezer door.

The parrot calmly steps out onto the writer’s extended arm, and says, “I believe I’ve offended you with my rude language and behavior. I will endeavor at once to correct this problem. I am truly sorry, and beg your forgiveness.”

The writer is astonished at the bird’s dramatic change in attitude, but before he can say anything, the parrot continues, “Might I inquire as to what the chicken did?”

Check out our second post of jokes here!