The Secret to a Successful Date with Your Writing

Have you ever gone on a date with your writing?

After you’ve been writing for a while, you can begin to look at it differently.

You may start to see it as an obligation, and show up for sessions with an attitude of, “Hopefully things will go well today.” You bring your disappointments and self-doubts along while eyeing your phone and jumping at the first ping.

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to reset your relationship. Go on a date with your writing! To increase your odds that it will be a smashing success—and the first of many more positive interactions between you—do your homework first.

Think about the good (and bad) dates you’ve had in the past. You’ve probably been on one or more of those legendary dates from hell, and unfortunately, when it comes to spending time with your writing, there is a chance you could be one of them.

When that happens, your relationship with your writing deteriorates, becoming something that brings you down instead of lifts you up.

To increase your odds of rekindling that old spark, consider these tips.

Date with Your Writing Tip 1. Do mark your writing time down on your calendar.

What you’re saying: This date is important to me.

If you’ve gotten too comfortable with your writing, you may imagine that you’ll fit it in “somewhere” in your week. When that doesn’t happen, you imagine it will the next week, and before you know it, you’ve gotten out of practice.

Your writing muscles weaken, your muse goes on a vacation, and your overall relationship sinks into the friend zone.

Make sure your writing time gets the respect it deserves. Write it down on your weekly calendar and then stick with it.

2. Don’t show up late for your writing session.

What you’re saying if you do: You aren’t all that important to me.

Do you put your writing time on your calendar, but then show up late, or worse, not at all?

Things can happen in life, and sometimes a late appearance can’t be helped. But if this is becoming a habit, don’t expect your writing to be happy about it. Writer’s block is a common outcome of this type of disrespect.

Date with Your Writing Tip 3. Do shut off all distractions.

What you’re saying: I am focused on you.

Think back to how you felt when you were on a date and your partner interrupted a conversation to check his or her cell phone, or worse, left the date to tend to another conversation.

You know how you felt—unimportant. If you allow distractions to interrupt your writing time, you’re giving your creative self the same message. Treat your writing time like a real date—no distractions, period.

4. Don’t check your phone “just once.”

What you’re saying: You’re not all that interesting.

We’ve all done it: been in the middle of a scene, gotten bored, and checked our phones. It can be a hard temptation to resist, particularly when you’re struggling with your story. But as with #3, this creates a dangerous precedent, and you’ll be more likely to interrupt your next writing session too, lowering your odds that you’ll ever get past the scene that’s giving you fits.

Just as you wouldn’t interrupt a difficult conversation with a partner by turning to your phone (we hope!), give your writing the same respect. Just put your phone in another room until you’re done.

Date with Your Writing Tip 5. Do leave your self-doubt at the door.

What you’re saying: I’m confident and here for you.

We all like partners who are confident and self-assured. They help us feel relaxed and allow us to be ourselves.

Partners who are insecure and full of self-doubt, on the other hand, make us feel anxious. We have to double our efforts to take care of ourselves and them.

Think about how your writing sessions go when you arrive full of self-doubt and fear. Not great, right? Imagine your creative self or muse may feel the same way. Then do your best to leave your self-doubt outside of the room. All writers feel it, but when you come to the page, remember that this is your story, and only you know how to tell it. Trust yourself.

6. Don’t jump to conclusions.

What you’re saying: I’m willing to hang in there to get to know the real you.

We’ve all been the victims of snap judgments, and they never feel good. Yet we often do the same with our writing. We get halfway through a story and decide it’s no good. We stuff it away and try again. Then when that story gets tough, we rush to judgment.

Every work has its own challenges. Every story will get difficult at some point or another. Be a good partner and hang in there until you know what you need to know—or in other words, until you type “the end.” Then you can go back and make your judgments, but until then, give your work the time it needs to show its true colors.

Date with Your Writing Tip 7. Do focus on the work.

What you’re saying: Who are you and how can I get to know you?

Have you been in a relationship where it seems like everything is basically “okay,” but your partner doesn’t seem interested in getting to know you? You go out and have a good time, but if pressed, you’d say the person probably wouldn’t even know the most basic things about you if he or she were asked?

Sometimes we can come to our writing with the same lack of focus. We write without digging deep, and our characters and settings remain insufficiently explored.

Do you know your characters’ deepest dreams? Do you understand them completely? What about your settings? Have you researched them carefully? Is your plot as original as you can make it?

Focus on your work. Get to know it really well. Then you’ll establish the kind of relationship you want, where writing gives back way more than it takes.

8. Don’t waste time worrying about bestseller lists.

What you’re saying if you do: How will this make ME look?

Here, we fail to focus enough on the work, focusing instead on ourselves and how the work will make us look to our friends, family, and society in general.

Bring yourself into any writing session and you ruin it from the get-go. It’s like going on a date where the other person talks incessantly about himself or herself and doesn’t show the slightest bit of interest in you.

No fun, right?

Think about that when it’s time to write. Your story deserves all of your focus. Keep everything else out of it.

Date with Your Writing Tip 9. Do allow for a few awkward moments.

What you’re saying: I’m not expecting you to be perfect the first time out.

As mentioned above, every story has its own challenges, and yours is likely to get difficult somewhere along the way. For most of us, it’s the middle of the book that makes us want to tear our hair out.

In any relationship, it’s not always smooth sailing. The hallmark characteristic of a good partner is one who hangs in there through the rough spots and works to figure it out.

Your writing deserves the same. When things get tough, hang in there. It doesn’t mean your idea is bad or that you can’t write this story. It just means that it’s time to do some work. Expect that it won’t be easy, and be willing to problem-solve.

10. Don’t abandon the story the second it gets difficult.

What you’re saying: I’m only here for a booty call.

We’ve all had partners who are in it only for a good time. Unfortunately, many writers do the same thing. They’re all in while it’s fun, and then gone when it gets hard.

That’s why finishing a book is such an accomplishment, no matter what else happens—so many fail to do it.

It can be hard to trust that if you hang in there, things will turn out okay. When your characters act differently than you planned, your plot comes undone, and you have no idea how you’re going to bring all your pieces together, it can be tempting to think that you’d be better off with another story.

But most of the time, the rewards of hanging in there are much richer than any short-term relief you may feel by abandoning your story. Don’t give up. Your relationship is worth it.

Have you ever taken your writing on a date?