My biggest emotional challenge as a writer has always been balancing writing
with the need to pay the bills.
I grew up in a working-class family. My parents had little extra money. I knew from an early age that I’d have to work at a job that paid.
And since no one paid for teenage poetry, I’ve always worked at non-writing jobs.
Writing is the One Thread that Holds My Life Together
My parents insisted that I go to college. Yet they had no money to pay for it. As a result, I worked, went to college, and wrote a few lines of poetry in my spare time.
In many ways writing is the one thread that held and still holds my life together. Writing gave me hope for a future. It gave me a place to put my dark thoughts and helped me deal with grief.
When I started writing fiction, getting started was the biggest challenge. To overcome it, I used a timer and a word count to motivate me. I used a mantra, “Just get the work done.” I felt a deep satisfaction at “getting the work done” and seeing a story or a book grow. I still feel this.
I Look at Writing Books Like Making a Quilt: A Piece at a Time
I also struggle with self-doubt. Every day. Most people wouldn’t know this about me. I describe myself as an introvert who looks like an extrovert. I read other writers and yearn to be able to write as well as they write.
The way I cope with this is by giving myself permission to write a bad first draft. And then I rewrite it. And rewrite it again. I’m a master at rewriting.
I’d like to, someday, get to the point where the words flow and sound right from the beginning. But in the meantime, I always know I can write badly and fix it later. I’ve looked at books like making a quilt, or combing out the tangles of hair, or knitting a scarf. I say, “Just do this part now.”
Someone, I think my publisher at Open Books, once told me that writing is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. I’m in it for the long haul. I just have to look back at my history to know how true my dedication to the written word has been, published or not.
My Go-To Physical Activity is Walking the Dogs
I have two major physical challenges to being a writer.
The first one is sitting in a chair for so many hours of the day. I need to get up and move. I love to move. But writing is a stationary task. By the end of a writing session my back hurts and I feel antsy. My mind is manic.
To calm down, my go-to activity is walking the dogs. I love watching the dogs run. I love being outside. I live near Flathead Lake and the beautiful Mission Mountains in Montana. The incredible beauty of the land really soothes me.
Sometimes I jog, run, or hike. Those activities really counter the sitting. I recently found MoveWith’s Rise and Shine Yoga Flows on audible. I’ll do them 3 or 4 days a week before I start writing. I find yoga a nice preparation for writing.
Writing at Night Gives Me Insomnia
The other physical challenge for me only occurs when I write too late into the evening.
If I write past 8:00, I get a bad case of insomnia. After living with a life-long sleep disorder, I finally sleep restfully though the night, unless I write in the nighttime.
I have a bit of an obsessive mind and I can’t let go of the story without plenty of distraction between working on the story and going to bed. The best thing for me to do is to stop writing by 4:00 in the afternoon.
Things I do to deal with the insomnia are:
- Read a book that is very different from what I’m writing.
- Count backward from 100, several times if needed.
- Focus on my breathing.
- Drink warm milk (yes, it really works!)
- Get out of bed and do something calm such as read, knit, or watch TV.
Coping Skills for Anxiety, Stress, and Depression, from an Experienced Mental Health Counselor
I’ve worked as a mental health counselor for the last many years and have learned a treasure trove of coping skills for anxiety, stress, and depression.
One of my coping skills, as you might know, is talking to myself. I use a variety of coping statements, such as:
My feelings make me uncomfortable right now, but I can accept them.
I can be anxious and still deal with the situation.
I’m strong enough to handle what’s happening to me right now.
I’m strong and I can deal with this.
Be calm, relax. I can handle this. Calm down.
I’m in control. I’ll figure this out.
A simple exercise, such as walking, is another great coping skill for managing stress.
There is a type of therapy that I do called EMDR that really help people resolve the effects of their traumatic experiences. In addition to other things, EMDR uses a bilateral brain stimulation that helps soothe the mind and body. I’m convinced that walking does the same thing. The consistent action of moving one foot forward and then the next can help calm the mind and heart.
I think knitting and crochet work in a similar way. I like to tell people that they can take a mini vacation from their anxiety. Any activity that distracts from worry, such as reading, cleaning, going to a movie with a friend, can help manage the stress.
Talking honestly to someone you trust is an age-old remedy for reducing anxiety and depression. Talking helps us understand ourselves. It helps us interact with others in a genuine way. It allows us to consider new perspectives.
Human connection with a trusted person often provides acknowledgement, reassurance, and validation that bolsters our courage, the courage to face troubles with a good heart and a wise mind.
The Key to Creativity: Having the Courage to Face Your Feelings
Having come from a mining town, where many people, including myself, experience tragedy, I think the key to my creativity is the courage to face my feelings, to sit with them, and to try to understand them.
One of my brothers died when we were in our 20’s and it seems like I’ve spent my entire adult life since then trying to understand death. My novels are somewhat dark, but not without hope. I like to say that my novels are invitations for compassion.
I also have a genuine curiosity about the world and the desire to “get the work done.” Feelings, curiosity, and discipline open the door to my creativity.
In counseling we talk about parenting with love and logical discipline. In some ways, it’s the same with writing.
Love, compassion, and creativity feel good, but, in my life, they don’t write the book. The discipline to sit in the chair and write gets the book done. The more I sit in the chair and work on a project, the more creative I become.
Writing is a Part of Me
Many times I’ve wondered why I keep writing. Weirdly, I experienced it several months after my second novel, The Swan Keeper, came out.
I have this list of books that I want to write. I have the ideas, the themes, the images, and some of the characters. But there I was suddenly wondering “why write them?” The answer is difficult to explain.
It might sound corny, but writing is a part of me. It’s a part of my soul. It is the way that I connect to the invisible world and things I don’t know I know.
I like the mystery of that world, and writing helps me go there.
How Twitter Helps Me Sell Books
I didn’t really think about promotion when I was a teenager sitting on my parents’ back porch writing poetry. And I didn’t think about it all those years later when I was trying to find a few off hours to write a story or a chapter.
But I’ve thought about it a lot since my first book, Copper Sky, was published. It never seems like I do enough promotion and the promotion I do always seems overwhelming.
I mainly promote on Twitter. I’ve made at least one good friend there and a lot of supportive writer friends. I think it is the best way to get the most eyes on my books. People have bought them by seeing them on Twitter and posted their reviews about them on Twitter.
Others have gone through Open Books Review Program on Twitter, where they have gotten copies of my books and posted their reviews. I am grateful for every single review that anyone has ever written for my books.
My friend, Maggie Plummer, author of Spirited Away: A Novel of the Stolen Irish, suggested that I focus on one social network instead of trying to keep up with all of them. It was good advice and that’s what I do.
When I write a blog post, it automatically goes to Twitter. I haven’t written many blog posts lately, and I think that is a missed opportunity. Krista Soukup at Blue Cottage Agency says that writing blog posts is one of the most effective ways to promote your work.
How a Timer Helps Me Get Started Writing
Finding time to write has been one of my biggest struggles. Because my job as a mental health therapist has been so demanding, I used to think I could not write creatively unless I had at least a week off.
I got over that idea.
In order to write anything, I had to change my thinking. I started trying to fit at least four writing hours in during a weekend. And I took a few month-long vacations in a tent trailer that I owned. I love writing in that tent trailer. Nothing to do but eat, write, walk dogs, and feel a warm wind blow through. It was great.
Mostly, though, I faced reality and stopped thinking that I should have more time than I had. I learned to get little bits done that I could expand on later. It was like putting a puzzle together. I just had time to sit for a while and find the right piece.
I usually set a timer for an hour and then sat down to work. For me, the timer is an amazing tool. When I have a day for writing, I set the timer for an hour and write for three, or five, or eight. I just need a little help getting started.
I have learned to feel grateful for my writing time, regardless if it was an hour or a day.
Advice for a Young Author: Give Yourself Permission
I would first of all give him or her permission. As a writer there is a sense that somehow you are going where no man or woman has gone before. And you are. No one will write the book you’ll write.
Second, I’d tell the person to learn the rules before breaking them. Writing is a craft. Understanding the rules of the craft can save a writer a lot of time. I speak from experience. I grew up a poet. It took me a long time, and a lot of mistakes, to learn how to tell a story.
I would tell the person to read. Read everything, books similar to yours, books different from yours, poetry, essays, news, history. Just read. And then sit down and write.
Listen to criticism, consider it, and then use it or discard it. But first listen. And then decide. And then rewrite. Writing is a marathon, not a sprint.
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Milana Marsenich lives in Northwest Montana near Flathead Lake at the base of the beautiful Mission Mountains. She enjoys quick access to the mountains and has spent many hours hiking the wilderness trails with friends and dogs.
For the past 20 years she has worked as a mental health therapist in a variety of settings. As a natural listener and a therapist, she has witnessed amazing generosity and courage in others. She first witnessed this in her hometown of Butte, Montana, a mining town with a rich history and the setting for Copper Sky, her first novel. Copper Sky was chosen as a Spur Award finalist for Best Western Historical Novel.
She has an M.Ed. in Mental Health Counseling from Montana State University and an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Montana. She has previously published in Montana Quarterly, Big Sky Journal, The Polishing Stone, The Moronic Ox, BookGlow, and Feminist Studies.
For more information on Milana and her work, please see her website and Open Books, and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.
Copper Sky: Set in the Copper Camp of Butte, Montana in 1917, Copper Sky tells the story of two women with opposite lives.
Kaly Shane, mired in prostitution, struggles to find a safe home for her unborn child, while Marika Lailich, a Slavic immigrant, dodges a pre-arranged marriage to become a doctor.
As their paths cross, and they become unlikely friends, neither knows the family secret that ties them together.
Available at Amazon and Open Books.
The Swan Keeper: On her eleventh birthday, Lilly’s family visits the Cattail Marsh to see the newly hatched cygnets. The family outing turns tragic when Dean Drake shows up with his shotgun. Lilly sees him kill her father, injure her mother, and slaughter the bevy of trumpeter swans.
The sheriff, her mother, sister, and best friend all think Lilly is trying to make sense of a senseless accident by blaming Drake. But Lilly knows the truth.
Left alone she must bring him to justice.
Available at Amazon and Open Books.