How Imposter Syndrome Affected All Areas of My Life

Are you a writer who struggles with imposter syndrome?

by Beth Biss

My writer friends often tell me about their struggles with it. I commiserate with them as best I can, but I have a dirty secret.

When it comes to writing, I don’t deal with imposter syndrome.

How can that be, you may ask.

The truth is I once struggled mightily with imposter syndrome. But not about my job, or my hobbies, or even my parenting. I struggled with Imposter Syndrome in my being human.

Health Problems Made My Imposter Syndrome Worse

For decades, I had struggled with strange ailments that a variety of doctors in a variety of specialties passed off as no big deal.

I wish I had a dollar for every doctor who told me, “I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.” I think they meant to comfort me, but those words only made me doubt myself.

In 2013, I had to stop working as a substitute teacher because of my health problems. Doctors told me these problems weren’t a big deal, but they now really stopped me from living. I wanted to go back to college and get my teaching certificate, but as a substitute I was passing out in classroom after classroom. I was getting more sick, more tired, more confused. I doubted every part of my life.

Who was I without any career? I couldn’t even volunteer. Who was I now that I stopped socializing and being with friends and family? I had to give up my social life, give up driving, give up dreams of travel, give up dreams of getting more education.

Who was I if I had no future? Who was I now that I couldn’t do anything?

A Medical Diagnosis Didn’t Make Everything Better

I did finally get a diagnosis in 2018, and I was comforted to know it “wasn’t all in my head.”

Unfortunately, the medication and therapies I received for my diagnosis wouldn’t bring me back to “normal.” I was confronted with the truth: I had an incurable illness that would mean I’d probably never work again and spend every day focused on managing my symptoms.

I found myself in the strange place of feeling glad to know I wasn’t imagining my symptoms, but I was sad that so much of my life seemed “over.”

The First Thing I Did to Get Over Imposter Syndrome

So how did I get over my imposter syndrome about being human? A few things happened for me.

The first thing that helped me was I discovered a mental health podcast (mentalhealthremix.com). I learned an amazing idea I had not heard before: “Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean you have to believe it.”

Because I had to give up most of my activities, I thought of myself as a worthless failure. I was discounting the evidence I had of having worth and being successful in my past.

I could no longer do those things that had brought me my sense of purpose and success. I was going to need to give up my thoughts of trying to “prove” my worth and accept I have inherent value. I would need to redefine success and learn to celebrate the tiny victories in my life.

I was going to have to work on examining my thoughts and adjusting my self-talk. This was not easy, and it took months. But without a job to go to, I had lots of time on my hands.

How Writing Helped Me Get Over Imposter Syndrome

The second thing that helped was I was told by a family member I needed to stop moping and find a hobby I could do.

It felt harsh at the time, but it was true. I needed to redefine my life. I was working on my self-talk, but I still felt like I had no purpose in my life. That’s when I found writing.

I couldn’t trust myself behind the wheel of a car, stand up in front of a classroom, or attend traditional classes, but I could sit down and write.

I found my passion and my purpose in writing. Writing was something I enjoyed when I was younger, but when my privacy was invaded and my journal read by someone else, I stopped writing so I could keep my private thoughts to myself.

When I got back to putting my thoughts on the page, I felt energized and encouraged about my life in a way that I had not in years.

How Covid Lockdowns Helped Me Improve My Health

I know the Covid lockdowns were incredibly painful for many. But for me, the world was finally joining me where I was. And it opened up a world for me that I didn’t know existed…online learning.

I joined so many online groups, seminars, workshops and challenges. At first, I was overwhelmed, I was trying to do too much. But I honed my focus: my physical health, my mental health and my writing education. If the online offering didn’t touch on one of these areas, I needed to drop it.

As a result, I now feel like I have a better handle on all three areas. I know more about my illness than my doctors ever shared with me. I have an enormous toolkit of how to take care of my mental health. I know, without a doubt, I am a better writer than I was in 2020.

3 Ideas To Help You Get Past Imposter Syndrome

So, how can you take these things I’ve learned and use them in your own life? I would not advise getting a chronic, incurable illness–you quite frankly have little control over that—but you do have complete control over your self talk!

1. Listen to podcasts from licensed professionals that you trust, keep a journal, start going to therapy.

Do whatever you must to tame the thoughts you have in your head, because those voices are not you. Those voices do NOT have to be listened to. Those voices are not telling you the truth about your life.

2. Next, find a passion outlet.

You may want writing to be that outlet, but imposter syndrome may make that not possible right now. Think about what you really loved to do when you were ages 5-9, before too much self-awareness and self-doubt came into your life.

Seriously, make a list of the activities you enjoyed. Do not censor yourself in writing down every goofy thing adorable little you loved to do.

After you make the list, put it away for a few days. Truly, don’t even peek at it. Then in a week or so, take a look. Free write about each of the activities on that list, writing down whatever comes to mind when you think about this activity.

I bet you will find your brain has been working in the background  and will help you see new connections and possibilities. But if you still aren’t sure, go to good old Google.

If you liked to doodle, try Zentangles (Zentangle). If you liked to sing, start belting out some tunes whenever you get the chance. Run, skip, dance…do whatever brings you joy. That’s the whole point of this exercise, to find your joy.

You might want to take classes of some kind to improve this skill, but remember you are not aiming for perfection. You just want progress. Practice makes progress, not perfection. Aiming for perfection will result in failure, so take perfection off the table.

As you start this passion project, I would suggest you do not share it on social media. Don’t document every step you make. Keep this as your own private activity. You don’t need trolls killing the happiness you are cultivating. You are doing this activity to get back to your childhood joy, so if one doesn’t feel right after a while, move on to something else. It’s okay to change your focus.

3. Find ways to educate yourself.

Lastly, find ways to improve and educate yourself. Maybe join a group that enjoys your passion.

A great place to start is with your local library. My library has groups for knitting and crocheting, painting, baking, yoga and of course, reading. You could turn to YouTube, if you have an interest in it, I bet someone has made a video about it. Perhaps check out some books written about the activity you are interested in, or any area you are curious about.

Planning ways to make myself better, or better educated, always means I can look at myself and be proud that I am learning new things as well as gaining new skills. Remember, you are practicing to make progress, not perfection. Making a bullet journal has helped me feed my creative side, track my health, record my learnings and keeps me organized. Bullet journaling has been a great win in my life.

I don’t know what will work best for you, but starting with your mindset will probably reap great rewards for you.

My Key to Good Mental Health: Practice Makes Progress

In a nutshell, the steps I took to feel human again are:

1. Wrangle negative self-talk and replace it with either neutral or positive self-talk.
2. Find a passion from childhood that brings you joy.
3. Be curious and learn.

I grew up with the mantra “practice makes perfect” ringing in my head. Who ever thought up that phrase was dead wrong. Practice makes progress, and with practice, you will make progress, too.

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Beth Biss lives in southern PA with her teenage son and her parents. She’s busy working on her first trilogy (Women’s Fiction) that highlights protagonists who have a chronic or hidden illness.