Memoirist Bridey Thelen-Heidel shares her story of embracing fearless writing—something all of us writers can embrace for the good of our creativity and careers!
by Bridey Thelen-Heidel
“I got another rejection!” I shouted, adding a seventh tally to the cabinet door in my classroom.
“WOOHOO!” my AP Literature students cheered.
“You’re one step closer,” another added.
“Yep! No from this agent means I can still get a yes from the right one!”
We’d been tallying my rejections from literary agents for a few months. While the first one humbled me, the seventh was a celebration because I’d taught my senior English students two things: I wasn’t afraid of an agent saying no because I had survived much tougher things in my life, and I only needed one yes to change everything.
Because they were applying to colleges at the same time, we tracked their rejections, too—keeping in mind the things they’d survived in their own lives that were tougher than hearing no, and the fact that they only needed one yes to change everything.
I Teach My Students to Be Fearless in Writing
As an English teacher who adores the semicolon, I think teaching my students how to be fearless might be a more important lesson because we give too much power to the unknown and to things we can’t control.
We’re all survivors—of something—and most of us have known REAL fear. In my case, fear showed up as monsters my mother moved in when I was little—and later when she became a monster herself. But like other survivors I know, I somehow not only faced the monsters but defeated them and am living happily ever after.
Maybe because I’ve known REAL fear, I’m not really afraid of things other people seem to find scary—spiders, public speaking, or rejection.
In the past five years since starting to write my memoir, Bright Eyes, I’ve reminded my students that while rejection doesn’t feel awesome, it’s also nothing to fear because it’s not actually going to kill you, and a no from one person leaves the door open for a yes from someone else.
Fearless in Writing: Writers Are Incredibly Brave People
Also since writing my memoir, I’ve surrounded myself with writers—some published, some not—and all incredibly brave people who put their ideas, stories, and lives on paper (or Google Doc) then share with writing groups, Substack readers, or no one because—as I’ve heard writer friends say—”I’m afraid my writing isn’t good enough…” or, “Putting my story out there is scary.”
This is when I remember the times I faced my monsters—their fists, their guns, their ridicule—and survived. Hopefully, most of us haven’t dealt with this level of threat, but we’ve all defeated monsters of some sort: cancer, addiction, losing someone we love, self-doubt, divorce.
Putting our stories out there can be scary, especially for memoirists because we’re usually exposing truths about people who would rather us not. But it’s our truth—probably hard earned and hard learned—and could help and heal someone who reads it.
Again, I remind myself that the monsters controlled my past because I was young and had no other choice, but they’re not controlling my present or deciding my future.
Fearless in Writing and Self-Promotion
Here are 3 Reasons I am FEARLESS about Self-Promotion:
1) I am FEARLESS when connecting with other writers.
Social media is not the only way to get our writing into the world, but it’s free and has the potential to rocket our stories into the stratosphere if the right person (Oprah, Reese, Zibby), or book influencer reads it. Just like we celebrate our friends, we should celebrate other writers online because these interactions propel their content and connect us to them and to the others who are also commenting.
Making “friends” on social media—even famous ones you can follow, like, subscribe to—will become a supportive community who will teach your skills, celebrate your wins, and commiserate when you get those necessary rejections! There’s a reason #writingcommunity has MILLIONS of tags because even though we all love our little writing spaces, it can also be a bit isolating and lonely.
2) I am FEARLESS about pitching ideas.
There are a million podcasts and a million more websites and online magazines searching for content. Pitch your story, your idea, your message to groups who have gathered to discuss whatever it is you’re interested in. There’s an online group for everything, and someone will be excited about what you’re posting.
When my TEDx came out (ROB the Trauma: Steal Back Your Life), I sent it to every Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn group I found that focused on trauma, trauma recovery, CPTSD, child abuse, and domestic violence. My goal was to send the TEDx to ten groups each day, and from that I landed a couple of magazines, a podcast, and great connections with people who found healing and help in my talk.
Some groups ghosted me, and some were happy to get my reminder a couple weeks later, but I wasn’t afraid to get rejected because not sending it out was an automatic no, anyway.
3) I am FEARLESS about believing in my message.
What you are saying, writing, and creating is important, or you wouldn’t be spending so much time and energy on it. Be proud about what you’ve come up with, and be tenacious—not obnoxious—in sharing that message with your family, friends, and online because you never know who needs to hear your message, and the impact of that.
I wrote an essay last year for MUTHA Magazine (“We Owned the Night”) about how my baby sister and I waited until the monsters passed out at night to eat our dinner and play together in the dark. I figured my audience for the piece was obvious, but then two seventy-year-old men in Florida found my essay and invited me on their popular podcast (Two Old Bucks). My interview was their number one episode that year, sending my message around the globe! Although the essay was vulnerable to share, I knew someone in the world would be healed from it, so I pushed away the fear and submitted it.
Fear is necessary because it can protect us and even keep us alive; however, it can also limit us, define us, control us, and keep us from making our dreams come true and living happily ever after! This is the lesson I’ll continue to teach the students in my classes.
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Bridey Thelen-Heidel’s chaotic upbringing meant changing schools between Alaska and California more than twenty times. A Lewis and Clark College graduate, she lives in South Lake Tahoe with her husband and daughter and teaches at her alma mater.
A TEDx speaker and frequent podcast guest, Bridey performed in Listen to Your Mother NYC and has been published in MUTHA Magazine. A fierce youth advocate who’s been voted Best of Tahoe Teacher several times by her community, Bridey’s work with LGBTQ+ students has been celebrated in Read This, Save Lives by Sameer Jha and the California Teachers Association’s California Educator.
Find out more about Bridey at her website. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Bright Eyes:
Bridey is tethered to her mom’s addiction to dangerous men who park their Harley-Davidsons in the house and kick holes in all their doors. Raised to be her mother’s keeper, rescuer, and punching bag, Bridey gets used to stuffing her life into black trash bags, hauling them between Alaska and California, and changing schools every time her mom moves in a new monster—or runs away from one.
Desperately seeking the normal life she’s observed in sitcoms and her friends’ families, Bridey earns her way into a fancy, private college, where she tries to forget who she is—until her mom calls with a threat that drops Bridey to her knees. Watching doctors and police interrogate her mother at the hospital, Bridey realizes her mom has become a monster herself . . . and she doesn’t want to be saved. But Bridey does.
Bright Eyes is about the indomitable spirit of a young girl forced to be brave, required to be resilient, and conditioned to be optimistic, and how she ultimately uses the same traits that helped her to survive her mother’s chaos to create her own happily-ever-after.
Available at Amazon and wherever books are sold.