Do you struggle to set boundaries without guilt? Dr. Stucki has some great insights into this issue, along with tips to help you better protect your writing time.

by Dr. Bradford Stucki

Last Tuesday, I stared at my phone, my thumb hovering over the “send” button.

The message read: “I’m sorry, but I can’t edit your manuscript right now. I’m on deadline for my book.”

I deleted it. Rewrote it. Deleted it again. Added three apologetic emojis. Deleted those too.

Why was saying “no” to a friend feeling like I was committing a cardinal sin?

If you’re a creative professional who breaks into a cold sweat at the mere thought of setting boundaries, welcome to the club.

We’re a talented bunch at crafting worlds with words, developing characters, and weaving stories – yet somehow, typing a simple “no” feels harder than writing an entire novel.

Why’s it hard to say no? Good question. The answer is guilt — that unshakable feeling that by not letting everyone and everything in, you’re not doing enough.

Boundaries Without Guilt: What Are Boundaries, Really?

Before diving deep, let’s demystify boundaries and maybe get rid of the bad press around them.

Boundaries are not walls we build to shut people out; they’re guidelines we establish to protect our energy, time, and creative spirit.

Think of them as the margins on your manuscript – essential white space that makes the whole thing readable. Like margins, boundaries make the world accessible without feeling overwhelming.

As Brené Brown, researcher and author, puts it:

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

And isn’t that a punch to the gut for us writers? We spend our careers trying to ensure our readers aren’t disappointed.

Setting boundaries is counterintuitive to most writers. Our entire craft is about connection and so we do everything necessary to connect to our readers so we don’t risk disappointing anyone.

Yet, if there’s one thing to understand about boundaries, it’s this —

It is a crucial act of self-preservation.

Why Setting Boundaries Feels Like Editing Your Soul

The truth?  It’s normal to feel guilty about setting boundaries. A side effect of being human.

But once you’re able to look beyond the guilt and the difficulty associated with boundary setting, you’ll notice how easy life becomes.

Now, everyone has an intriguing rationale that explains what makes boundary-setting difficult. Living two distinct but connected lives as a writer and a therapist means I have heard of them, but these four encapsulate why writers feel guilty about setting boundaries.

Setting boundaries is selfish

Once, I locked my office door to meet a deadline (I had to!), only to hear my family shuffling outside like sad puppies.

The guilt was real. It typically appears as this feeling nudging you to be there for your family more (even though you already are). That by not giving all of your time, you’re failing.

But the truth is setting boundaries isn’t selfish – it’s, as I’ve said self-preservation.

Just as you wouldn’t expect your laptop to run without charging, you can’t create without protecting your creative energy. As most writers know, keeping that creative edge sharp is all-important.

The People-Pleasing Paradox

It’s a bit of an irony, isn’t it? Writers want everyone to love their work but need solitude to create said work.

We’re hardwired to care what others think – may be part of what makes us good at our craft.

But as Anne Lamott wisely notes in her originally published 1994 book Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, “No” is a complete sentence.

The Fear of Conflict

“What if they never speak to me again because I wouldn’t beta-read their 800-page fantasy epic?”

Sound familiar?

Creatives tend to be more sensitive. That makes conflict particularly challenging for us. Just the idea of a disagreement with a loved one can seem scary.

The key is to remember that although others may resist your boundaries, that doesn’t make it wrong for you to have them.

Moreover, something to always remember is that most conflicts about boundaries exist mainly in our heads.

Supportive people around us don’t actually take it to heart when we enforce boundaries. When have you ever been pissed because a friend said they needed some private time? It’s likely the same for them!

The Unsupportive Environment

Most of us learn about boundaries (or the lack thereof) during our formative years. For creative souls, these early lessons can be particularly complicated.

Perhaps you were the child who kept getting interrupted while reading, or whose journals weren’t considered “real writing.” Maybe you heard the constant refrain of “stop daydreaming” when you were actually plotting your first story.

These early experiences shape how we view our creative needs.

When someone dismissed your writing time as “just a hobby,” they were inadvertently saying that protecting your creative space wasn’t legitimate.

When family members freely interrupted your writing sessions because “you’re just at home anyway,” they were unconsciously suggesting that your creative boundaries weren’t as important as other commitments.

This history explains why many writers feel a twinge of impostor syndrome when setting boundaries around their craft.

Each time we say, “I can’t join you right now; I’m writing,” a little voice whispers, “Who do you think you are?” It’s as if setting boundaries around our creative work feels like we’re somehow confirming those early doubters’ suspicions that we’re taking ourselves “too seriously.”

But these very experiences that make boundary-setting feel unnatural are precisely why we need them most.

Every time you protect your creative space, you’re not just setting a boundary – you’re rewriting that old narrative. You’re declaring that your craft matters, your creative time is valuable, and your writing, and all the activities around it, deserve respect.

Set Boundaries Without Guilt: Like It’s Self-Care

Defining limits and communicating them can be difficult. But it is, without a doubt, necessary to survive creatively.

So consider this blog your official permission slip to:

• Tell your best friend you can’t read their manuscript during your writing hours
• Decline that “quick coffee” that would eat into your creative time
• Stop answering work emails during your designated writing periods
• Say “no” to speaking at events that don’t align with your goals

Some real-life boundary examples you can use (if you need them)

• “I love that you thought of me for this project, but I’m currently in a deep creative phase and need to focus on my current work.”
• “My writing hours are between 9 AM and noon. I’d love to catch up after that!”
• “Thank you for thinking of me! Not taking on any new commitments this quarter because I’d like to spend more time on existing projects.”

Setting Boundaries Without Guilt Can Make You A Better Writer

Professionals who maintain clear boundaries are more productive, and creative because they are showing up as their best selves. They haven’t spent as much time or energy doing anything they don’t want to be doing.

Your creative energy is a precious resource. Protect it like it’s your responsibility to your craft.

Back to the opening scenes, I finally sent that text declining to edit my friend’s manuscript.

Her response? “Totally understand! Good luck with the deadline!”

What was I even worried about? Of course, she gets it but if she didn’t get it (an extreme possibility), nothing would change.

Your boundaries are yours to craft and maintain, just like the worlds you create in your writing. And like any well-written story, when structured with care and intention, they’ll stand the test of time.

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Dr. Bradford Stucki is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works with adults in Utah, Virginia, and Texas who have experienced trauma in their childhoods or trauma as an adult.

Dr. Stucki also has expertise in treating anxiety, and relationship problems. Dr. Stucki has specialized training in working with PTSD as well as couples issues. His private practice, BridgeHope Family Therapy is in Provo, Utah.