Are you battling the self-doubt monster right now?
Is it trying to bring you down and destroy your writing dreams?
It’s a common theme in a writer’s life. You go along doing well for a while, and then something happens to cause you to doubt yourself.
You get a rejection from an editor or agent. A reader leaves a less-than-flattering review. You fail to place in a writing contest. You get stuck on a story and don’t know how to push past it.
Self-Doubt is Part of the Journey
The bad news is, self-doubt is part of the journey for most writers, and no matter how experienced you are, you can still fall victim to this monster’s devious actions.
“I’m a twice-over bestselling author,” writes Ruthanne Reid on The Write Practice, “and I’m still plagued with doubts; I feel like I can’t do this, that I’m going to be found out somehow as being ‘less good’ than other authors, or less educated, or just somehow a fraud.”
It helps to read quotes like these from other writers, as they prove we are not alone when feeling these difficult emotions.
Still, as Walters says, when you’re in the middle of a self-doubt attack, it feels like you’re alone, and in a way, you are.
Your friends will try to support you, but in the end, it’s up to you to find a way to manage your doubts so you can do what matters—keep writing.
Below are three easy ways to win the battle against self-doubt when it attacks. Apply these three strategies one after the other, until you regain the confidence you need to keep going.
Self-Doubt Coping Technique 1. Argue…With Yourself
The first thing self-doubt does is set off a cascade of negative thoughts. They go something like this:
“I don’t know why you thought you could be a writer. You’re not that talented and no one’s going to care about reading your book. Your story idea is falling flat and you don’t know how to fix it. Why fight with this? You should stick with your day job and stop trying to chase after a pipe dream.”
The reason self-doubt often wins is that you believe these thoughts.
The answer is to do the exact opposite. Argue with yourself. Dispute every negative thought.
Who says you don’t have any talent? Point out that positive comment you got from an editor or that compliment from your teacher or professor.
Who says no one’s going to care about reading your book? Counter by reminding yourself of the friends and other supporters who have encouraged you along the way.
Who says you don’t know how to fix your story? You already have a plan for how you’re going to do just that.
Most of us were taught to be nice, but this is the time to ignore that teaching. Be ruthless. Argue and argue some more. The self-doubt monster is not right, and you’re going to prove it.
Self-Doubt Coping Technique 2. Review Your Accomplishments
When self-doubt shows up, it loves to act as if nothing that’s happened before that moment matters.
Let’s say you get a critique back on your story and the reader pointed out a lot of things that confused her. As you read them, self-doubt whispered in your ear. “Man, look at all that stuff she criticized. That’s a lot. And you thought the story was in pretty good shape. Guess you were wrong, huh?”
“Sucks to think about trying to fix it, right? And this is your what, third novel? I think you were wrong about how much you’ve learned as a writer.”
And on and on. In addition to arguing vehemently against each one of these negative statements, you also need to remind yourself of your accomplishments.
You: “What about that editor who encouraged me?”
Self-doubt: “So what? He didn’t accept the story for publication did he?”
You: “What about the award I won in that contest?”
Self-doubt: “It was a small contest. Not much competition.”
You: “What about all the email subscribers I have?”
Self-doubt: “Successful writers usually have more.”
No matter what self-doubt says, keep listing your accomplishments. If it helps, write them down. Remind yourself of those you may have forgotten—they may be numerous.
Self-Doubt Coping Technique 3. Accept, Accept, Accept Yourself
When self-doubt comes around, writers tend to be terribly unkind to themselves.
For many of us, our purpose is wrapped up in our writing, so if we start to believe that we’re no good, it feels not only like we’re losing a dream, but like we’re losing ourselves.
“In my worst hours, when I was younger,” writes Gabrielle Bellot for LitHub, “I sometimes imagined all I could do that had any value was write; if I lost that, I lost whatever worth I had.”
This is why self-doubt can be dangerous for writers. It attacks not only our writing but our perceived value as human beings. If we allow it to gain this power over us, it’s not only our writing careers that hang in the balance but our sense of self-worth.
After you’ve argued with self-doubt and peppered it with evidence of your past accomplishments, you must practice unconditional self-acceptance. This is where you reassert your value as a human being, reminding yourself that no matter what, you are worthwhile.
How to Beat Self-Doubt By Accepting Yourself
To reconnect with these feelings of self-acceptance, try these techniques:
Quiet Your Mind
Go somewhere you can relax. Turn off all distractions and focus on your breathing. Take several deep breaths and exhale completely. Allow yourself to feel whatever pain you’re feeling without judgment. Feel the support of the ground underneath you. Relax into your being. Realize that even without writing, you are enough, and you have value.
Let Go of Grading Yourself
As writers, we are always gathering evidence and rating our abilities. A contest win goes in the positive column. A rejection goes into the negative column. We keep score, rating ourselves as “good” or “bad” depending on our latest experiences and our comparisons to others. Notice where you may be doing this, and practice letting go of keeping score.
Treat Yourself as You Would a Good Friend
During periods of self-doubt, we need to be kind to ourselves. Part of self-acceptance is giving yourself what you need to feel well. Maybe that’s a good night’s sleep, a healthy meal, or a long walk. Maybe it’s a day off to do some journaling or get away for a while. Ask yourself what you need, and then accept that need and do what you can to fill it.
Accept Yourself as You are Now
Are you always going after the next goal? Do you feel like you have to consistently prove yourself as a writer?
If so, you may be basing your self-acceptance on an ever-changing goalpost. When I publish my next book, then I’ll be a good writer. When I hit the bestseller’s list, then I’ll feel like all this time writing was justified.
These are crazy-making thoughts, and they open the door for self-doubt to come in and make a wreck of things. Take some time to sit down and accept yourself as you are at this moment.
Without any other accomplishments, without any other evidence proving that you should be writing, accept your writing self and allow that to be enough.
How do you manage self-doubt as a writer?
Good article!
Additionally, I would respectfully suggest that you remind your writers that it is not about them. It’s about me – the reader. Their focus should not be on themselves but rather on what and how are they are presenting material that will benefit me – so that I will fork over the bucks to buy their book. That’s what editors, agents, and publishers want to know.
Coincidentally, when your article arrived, I was jotting a rough draft of something to send in. I asked my daughter to read it and see what she thought. She said, regarding one point, “Well, I want to see how you did that, and how it looks! Take a picture!”
That was not a personal affront but rather valuable input. So I am back to the drawing board!
Cheers!
Thanks, Lauri, and that is good input from your daughter! 🙂 The dance between writing for oneself and writing for a reader is a delicate one and there are times to lean one way or the other. In the first draft, I find it easiest to write for myself–a story that I enjoy without worrying about readers or the market. Then I usually focus more on the reader when editing subsequent drafts. Other writers may approach it differently? Either way, self-doubt can crop up anytime!