by Jane Tucker
My retirement plans were twenty years in the making.
In my imaginings, I knew exactly how each day would be scheduled, down to the hour. But the reality turned out, as you may have guessed, differently.
The first year and a half were spectacular. We traded the camp trailer for a motorhome and crossed the country through Yellowstone, Montana, Wyoming, the Great Lakes, Canada, Niagara Falls, upstate New York, New Hampshire, Maine.
We came home through the middle of America in time for a second trip to the Grand Canyon, Meteor Crater, Sedona and all things Arizona, followed by Colorado, and Rocky Mountain National Park.
But then my spouse parked the motorhome, announcing he was exhausted by so much travel. I had learned how to drive the motorhome, but did not want to drive it in traffic, so I had to answer the question, now what?
Was Coaching Right for Me?
Despite my intentions to live an inspired retirement, drift set in, creating a fog so dense I could not articulate purpose or direction.
Soon I wasn’t meeting any goals, writing or otherwise. I still put my butt in my writing chair every day, as almost every writer advises, and read writing books and blogs.
One blog I’ve followed for a decade, Clarity Kickstart, written by Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC turned out to be my answer to clearer skies. A sentence at the bottom of one post, stating that she had room in her schedule for one new coaching client, caught my attention.
I immediately wondered, could that one new client be me? How does coaching work? Does it help? My inner Critic leapt up to answer my questions, pouring out a Niagara Falls of reasons why it could never be me. But an hour later, heart pounding, I sent an inquiry.
My Critic Asked Who I Thought I Was to Deserve Success
I suspected that coaching may be exactly right for me by Critic’s loud, long time in my ear. He was definitely having the kind of productive day I was craving for my writing.
He questioned my worthiness to be a coaching client, speculated on what it might cost, suggested that coaching may be just one more way for me to fail. He asked who I thought I was to deserve success, and why any successful executive coach would be interested in me.
He reminded me that only weak people ask for help, that asking for help is embarrassing, that a talented writer would have what it takes to do the job by herself.
A High School Gym Teacher Planted the Seeds of Self-Doubt
While Critic and I continued our conversation, he revived memories of my high school gym teacher.
Her voice still rings in my ears, yelling constantly at my sixteen-year-old, 98-pound body to climb that rope, jump over a pommel horse at full speed, run with a field hockey stick in my hand and hit a ball with it.
When my skinny little princess arms and manicured fingernails consistently failed at all of those things, she yelled louder.
With that as an early coaching experience, how could I risk showing an outsider my messy, insecure inner self?
But a tiny inner voice whispered, “On the other hand, you’ve been looking for new inspiration. What if this is it?”
Then the email arrived. Dr. Christi did want to talk to me. After our call, she sent a contract, which I signed.
My Coach Taught Me that I Drive the Car—Critic Sits in the Back Seat
Dr. Christi showed me that I drive the car.
The critic can sit in the back seat, but he does not drive.
We began that first year with strategies that allow me to live well with my critic. Dr. Christi advised me to write a letter to him, renegotiating the terms of our relationship. She wanted me to thank him for his service, to let him know when he is useful and welcome, like when I am editing, and when he is to remain in the back seat, like when I am creating.
Initially, I couldn’t comprehend how to begin this exercise, but it turned out to be so much fun that I eventually wrote him several letters. The very first letter begins with
Hello There, My lifelong Critic.
Yes, You, I see you hiding out over there.
You hate a beam of light, don’t you? Well, get ready. There are going to be multiple beams of light shining on you my friend. Your days are numbered.
In our renegotiation, he is welcome to speak up when it is constructive and helpful. If, for example, I am about to run into the back of a semi at 60 mph, his voice is helpful. But if he tries to prevent me from ever getting on the freeway because something might happen, he has to talk to himself, from the back seat.
Two Important Things I Learned from My Success Coach
1. How to be More Decisive
With critic corralled, I wanted to become more decisive. Dr. Christi began with awareness, asking me to keep a simple daily log for one month, describing every decision I made in a 10/10/10 analysis.
10/10/10 involves asking three questions: How will this decision affect me in 10 minutes, in 10 months, in 10 years?
Patterns showed up within one week: I was spending an inordinate amount of time on ten-minute decisions, which consumed and drained my energies. I learned to spend my energy on ten-month and ten-year decisions.
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2. Creativity is not linear.
When Dr. Christi casually tossed these four words into one of our early conversations, the benefits of coaching doubled. Those words took my breath away.
I had lived a linear childhood, followed by a linear career. Given support to be non-linear, my perspective on life took a permanent, one-eighty degree reversal.
After a Year of Personal Successes, I Wanted to Write a Novel
In less than one year of coaching, my entire five-year plan was complete, including a decades-long desire to travel in Europe.
Having decided to continue coaching for another year, it was time to ask, “Now what?” again. A more confident inner voice answered with one of my deepest desires: to be an author, to see my name on the cover of a book.
Critic leapt into the front seat with alarming dexterity. “Remember your first check in call a year ago, how badly you failed in the beginning of coaching? You’ll never pull off something as big as a novel.”
I remember that first call vividly. I did believe then that I would be the first client to fail at being coached.
But as our phone call and our first year progressed, Dr. Christi met me where I was and repeatedly offered me new perspectives. By recording one success a day, no matter how small, I had a large file of daily successes and intentions to browse when critic is in my ear. I answered him that what I remembered was how she reframed what I thought were failures as steady progress and told him to get back into his place.
Incorporating the strengths gained in year one with following the energy that is flowing well, I explored how I could become a novelist, what that would look like to me, and what I would have to do to achieve that?
I decided I would write a novel to know if I could do it. I set an intention to produce 1000 words a day, five days a week.
Within 86 Days, The First Draft of My Novel Was Done
Writing a novel, with its messy emotions and escalating tensions, bore little resemblance to the fact based non-fiction I’d written during my career.
It felt like the highest risk, and the highest vulnerability. Critic remained faithfully by my side every single day, muttering to himself just loud enough for me to be aware of him, but I’ve been taught how to live with him.
I discovered that a novel is a project so large the messy middle seems to go on for an eternity. Yet within eighty-six days, by writing 1,000 words a day, the first draft of my first novel was done one month ahead of schedule.
A professional critique told me the novel is viable, if revised with an intent to publish. Now critic and I are working together to make those changes.
Tools I Use When Progress Becomes Difficult
Coaching helped me synthesize concept into action. Working directly with a coach who is focused on your success, with whom you can discuss specifics, and who is as invested in your future as you are made all the difference for me.
As we continue our relationship, there are many strategies and tools I can use when progress becomes difficult and three outcomes have fundamentally changed how I view goals.
1. Listen well.
I thought I’d developed a good productivity tool kit, but it turns out mine is more like a box of a dozen crayons while Dr. Christi has the big box with all the colors.
2. Do the work.
Be prepared to apply the insights you discover. Ultimately you must do your work.
3. Ask for help.
Working with Dr. Christi paved the way for maximizing other resources. Colleen Story’s online class, How to Finish the Creative Projects You Start, which I highly recommend, was a perfect addition to my tool kit.
Should You Hire a Coach?
You are the only one who can know what you are seeking.
In one sense, I fell backwards into being coached, but Dr. Christi Hegstad led me to a purposeful future. If you think coaching may be for you, the International Coach Federation is a good place to begin your research. Ask for credentials. Ask questions, determine if you will have a good rapport. I knew my coaches’ temperament from a long relationship with her blog.
When I review the coaching forms and notes as a decisive, confident, trusting, productive writer, I see that I was wrong about asking for help. Coaching with Dr. Christi Hegstad delivered clarity, direction, accountability and more. It increased my capacity to be decisive, my confidence to trust my intuition, and my experience in being 100% in control of my mindset.
We can’t control what happens, but we can always control how we think, how we respond, who and how we are in this world.
Who knows what good things might have come my way if I’d asked my old gym teacher for help?
We are all worthy of success. Make an investment in yourself this year.
NOTE: I am grateful to Dr. Christi Hegstad, Ph.D, PCC, my executive and personal success coach. She coaches achievers to clarify their vision, free up time, and confidently reach bold goals with meaning and purpose. She is a Professional Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation, and also earned a Positive Psychology and Wellbeing Coach certification from the College of Executive Coaching. She has been published in Forbes and the Huffington Post as well as other publications. She established MAP, Inc, (Map Professional Development, Inc) and has seventeen years experience working with thousands of people who want to define their meaning and purpose in life. For more information on Christi’s coaching, please see her website.
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Jane Tucker was raised on one coast and now lives on the other. She currently writes personal essays and fiction. She has written one picture book, and is revising her novel.
During her library career, she published a variety of non-fiction pieces in newspapers and professional journals. Her first paid publication was a freelance story on the Tillamook (Oregon) Blimp Hangar Fire of 1992.
She works to address literacy for all children in the county in which she lives and serves on the organizing committee of the Oregon Star Party, a dark sky gathering for amateur and professional astronomers. She is on the cusp of transforming personal writing into an author business.
Connect with Jane on LinkedIn.