How Writing Taught Me to Live from My Heart

by Rebecca Whitehead Munn

I have always held a dream of writing a book;
I just didn’t know what it would be about until I faced deep loss.

I also did not ever imagine I would be facing a divorce with a two- and four-year-old when I learned my mother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

I Chose Writing as My Therapeutic Tool

Some days felt like quicksand, others like water. Writing about my experience provided a sort of therapeutic outlet, a place where I could pour out my heart and feel somewhat relieved, versus feeling judged by someone who was hearing my story.

It was Rebecca, raw and unplugged. I discovered later that writing so openly in my journal created the foundation for writing a book, and was something familiar when I started on my manuscript.

I chose writing mostly as a therapeutic tool, having spent many years in therapy. I kept journals as I was experiencing life and found it helpful to pour out my deepest thoughts on paper—and appreciated the feeling of releasing the emotional charge of the thoughts in the process.

My upbringing probably also influenced my choice of healing medium as I grew up a daughter of two parents, both with several advanced degrees, who encouraged intellectual curiosity and debate. I was encouraged to read as a young child and enjoyed writing as it reminded me of the intellectual perspective I grew up in as a child.

Writing Allowed Me to Go from Living in My Head to Experiencing Life Through My Heart

In general, the writing process enabled me to transition from living in my head to experiencing life through my heart.

What a significant change!

I definitely experienced self-doubt as I would start and stop. I was a single mother working full time and raising two young children at the time. My writing took a backseat until I made the commitment to myself to prioritize writing.

I created a blog as a way to keep me focused on writing—it was something more public and felt more like a responsibility. I had a good friend Karen who had self-published a book and she became my author mentor and cheerleader, encouraging me to keep writing. I think being clear on my intention for writing made the process flow once I created the blog.

It was a commitment I made to myself, kind of a self-care choice to give to me through writing.

Writing Gave Me a Way to Heal from Deep Loss

The writing process started out being cathartic, as a way to heal from the deep loss.

As I would write each time, I would face a wall of grief and step away to cope with my hurt and angry feelings. During my last developmental editing process, I experienced a separation from the story of being in it to writing about it, which showed me that I had transitioned to a place of living with the loss.

I felt such gratification when I realized how far I had grown through the writing process. The main theme of the story also changed during the writing process. While I started writing about one lasting gift my mother left with me, I discovered through writing that her gifts were plentiful and more than I had acknowledged in the beginning.

One of her lasting gifts was how I became my authentic self through the process of loss, in part because of my choice to expand and my “glass-half-full” perspective. I live now as the fullest version of my core self, comfortable in my own skin and willing to express myself regardless of what others think.

Since publishing my first book, which has won some literary awards, I have had guest essays published on websites such as Maria Shriver’s Architects of Change and I am mostly finished with research for my second book. You could say I have caught the writing bug and plan to continue!

Turning the Dream of Writing a Book Into Reality is Surreal

I am actually amazed at the impact [the project has had], both on me and others. While I have always held a dream of writing a book, the feeling of turning the dream into reality is pretty hard to put in words. It is surreal and humbling.

I was surprised with the positive response of sales in the first three weeks, especially as a debut author. I am mostly amazed with the heartfelt reviews on Amazon about how my story validated and comforted others.

My number-one goal in writing was to share my raw and unplugged heart with others, in hopes of making a difference for others. I have had friends and acquaintances text me from time to time sharing that they read my book and how much it helped them, thanking me for writing. Those stories and the reviews are hugely rewarding for me, making my writing worthwhile.

Advice for Those Interested in Memoir-Writing: Get Clear On Your Intentions

I would encourage another person [interested in working on a similar project] to first sit with the intention and reasons for writing about a similar experience.

A memoir is something that exposes the deepest parts of us, and sometimes others. Being clear on the motivation from the start will guide the process and decision making.

I would also recommend using a blog to write the first version of the story. A blog holds you accountable to an external audience and provides positive reinforcement along the way through comments from readers.

From Loss We Can Find the Opportunity to Expand

My number one goal was to validate others with experiences of loss and the reality of the pain, yet showing readers the opportunity to expand and persevere when all feels lost.

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Rebecca Whitehead Munn is an award-winning author and essayist, healthcare change catalyst and value creator. Her goal is to inspire others to be courageous and learn about their loved ones’ wishes, while creating life-long connections.

Her debut memoir, The Gift of Goodbye: A Story of Agape Love, was released July 18, 2017. Kirkus Reviews says her memoir “tells of her own journey of self-discovery after learning of a parent’s terminal illness. Rather than give in to grief, she embarked on what she calls a ‘heart-opening journey’, one that she deftly and intensely recounts in this memoir.”

Rebecca is also a guest essayist, including being featured on mariashriver.com and mindbodygreen.com. In her spare time, she enjoys spending time outdoors with her two teenage children, friends, and chocolate lab, Coco; practicing yoga, listening to live music, snow skiing, and playing golf.

For more information on Rebecca and her work, please see her website, or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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The Gift of Goodbye: Rebecca Whitehead Munn relates how she drew strength from her faith and optimism as everything she knew to be constant in her life was changing. She inspires readers through her natural writing style to believe that they too can persevere and build resilience through the seasons of loss in life.

Rebecca opens her heart on each page as she walks us through her story of living through two major life transitions within a three-year span, and the resulting shift she made in the process—due to the lasting gift of love from her now-deceased mother, her courage, and the choice she made to expand into more of who she was at her core.

Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Indiebound.