Getting a writing rejection is never fun.
The email shows up in your inbox. You notice that it’s from a publisher or agent. Your pulse quickens. This is it. You’re half excited, half breaking out in a stressful sweat.
The message that email holds will either make your day or ruin it.
It’s awesome when it’s the former.
It hugely sucks when it’s the latter.
And the thing is, you’ll likely face these moments over and over again for your entire writing career.
So what do you do when it happens…especially for the millionth time?
Think of a Writing Rejection Like the Flu
Steel your spine, get a stiff upper lip, and move on, they say. It will get better as you go.
I think what we get better at is “pretending” that it doesn’t bother us…much.
Meanwhile, the effects show up in little, subtle ways. A bit of fatigue here. A little “I don’t feel like writing today” there. A little stomach upset or irritability today, some “my writing is crap” tomorrow.
It’s not good to ignore it. Repressed emotions have a way of making us sick. Often they chip away at our motivation to write until we’re not writing at all anymore.
Rather than ignore how you feel, if you think of this event as getting the flu, you can set up a process to take better care of yourself so you can recover completely.
After a Writing Rejection: 10 Symptoms and Treatments For This Flu-Like Event
Symptom 1. I’m Fine. It Will Be Okay.
You can feel it coming on, but you don’t want to admit you’ve caught something.
Writers often take this approach first. We know the score. This isn’t the end of the world. We’ll nurse our wounds and we’ll be fine. Just a bump in the road. No big deal.
All this while feeling a hole in the pit of our stomachs.
Treatment: Journal about how you really feel. Be honest. No one’s going to see it but you. The first step in any treatment is to find out what’s causing your symptoms. You may not want to admit it, but this rejection is likely to affect you on some level. Nip it in the bud by admitting it straight away.
Writing Rejection Symptom 2: I Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything.
When the flu hits you, often the first thing it does is make you tired and lethargic.
A writing rejection has a similar way of sapping a writer’s energy. You put all that time and effort into the piece that was rejected. You worked hard for months, sometimes for years.
Only writers understand the level of let-down a rejection creates. Few other people work on something this hard for this long and receive not only no reward but criticism on top of it. (Even if the rejection said nothing negative, it still feels like a criticism: “This story wasn’t good enough for us.”)
If you’re feeling this way the day of the rejection, a few days later, or even a week or so later, it’s probably not your bad night’s sleep (though that doesn’t help). It’s probably the rejection sapping your energy.
Treatment: Permit yourself to rest. Take a nap. Go to bed early. Pamper yourself with a slow, relaxing before-bed routine. Your body and mind need to rest and recover. Do this for a week or two after the rejection. After that, it’s time to move on to the next treatment stage.
Symptom 3: I’m Feeling Down.
You’d think this one would be first. And for some writers, it is. But often, it creeps up on you. You try to be strong and take it on the chin, but within a day or two your defenses crumble.
Getting a rejection is tough on your creative soul. For many writers, writing is part of their life’s purpose. Feeling like they are failing affects not only their work but their entire lives. If you’re not good at writing, you’re not good at anything, so what’s the point?
Treatment: This isn’t a feeling you want to set up permanent residence in your psyche. So return to your journal. If you’re lucky enough to have an empathetic person to talk to, call them up (or go out to dinner and chat). Choose someone that will understand and be willing to listen and support you.
Writing Rejection Symptom 4: I’ll Try Another.
It’s common advice in the writing world that when you get a rejection, you should immediately send the story out to another publisher (or agent).
Submitting again is good advice for one main reason: opinions are subjective in the publishing industry. What one person thinks won’t cut it on the market may seem like a sure thing to another.
So by all means, have your list ready and send the story out to at least two more names.
Problems occur when writers resist this step. A rejection of a piece you had high hopes for can sap your motivation for submitting.
The other problem is that submitting the story again means that you may have to go through this rejection thing again—and who wants that?
Treatment: Unless you’ve already amassed lots of rejections (it’s up to you the definition of “lots”—I’d say 15 or more), submit the story again. You can always polish the query letter if you like before you do so, but don’t let too much time go by. Then just make sure you do something else too (besides submit again and forget it). Read on for suggestions.
5. I’m Quitting Writing.
You cared about this story and you’ve already gotten a lot of rejections on it. Or you’ve been writing for a while and you’re super bummed that you’re dealing with a rejection again.
All of the emotions that accompany this type of experience can leave you ready to dump writing for good. “I quit!” you may say. “I’ll go become a mob boss.” (Or some other alternative occupation of choice.)
Treatment: If you’re feeling this way, I say go for it. Quit writing. Forget it. Who wants the hassle? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying this option. Don’t be afraid of it. If you want to come back later, you can, so go do something else that helps you feel better now. Why not?
Writing Rejection Symptom 6: It’s Taking a Long Time to Recover.
As with the flu, the recovery from a writing rejection is slow. We’d love to just wake up and feel fine in a day or two, but it rarely works that way.
Instead, it’s little by little. You can help yourself by continuing to submit, journal, talk to understanding people, and engage in self-care.
Treatment: Be patient. Writers care about their work. Rejections hit us in the heart. It takes time to recover. Keep getting your rest, exercising, and eating well.
7. Think About Writing Again
When you’re recovering from the flu, you want to get back out there and do things, but you know you’re not 100 percent yet.
The same is true of writing. As you start to recover from a writing rejection, you may start to think about writing again. You could begin that new novel you’ve been thinking of, or maybe a poem or short story.
But then when you think about actually taking action, you hesitate. This is because of the “trauma” you’ve been through with the rejection. Writing is related to the horrible feelings of rejection in your brain. Write again, get rejected again.
Ugh.
Treatment: If you’re still only a week to three weeks out from your rejection, don’t rush it. Give yourself time to fully recover. Once you get into the fourth week and beyond, it’s time to get back to the page. If you wait too long, you’ll get out of the writing habit, which could cause other problems down the road.
That doesn’t mean you have to start a new novel, though. It’s often best to play around with something different and add some fun to your writing. A children’s story, poem, humorous short story, or blog post might be just the thing to get you going again.
The point is to have fun when you’re writing so you can break that association between writing and those awful emotions tied to rejections.
Writing Rejection Symptom 8: I Don’t Know What the Truth Is.
Did you really have the flu? Or was it COVID-19?
It’s common to question this after recovering from an illness. A similar thing happens when you get a writing rejection: you wonder what the truth is.
Was the story sub-par? Could it be you’re not cut out to write romances (or whatever the genre is) and should change to mysteries? Or are your skills lacking, meaning you need to go back and get some more education?
Treatment: Find a way to get more feedback. Maybe your beta readers loved the story, but ask yourself: were those folks people who normally read in your genre? Are they your friends? Did they give honest opinions?
You may want to consider hiring a book coach or editor. As long as you do your research and find a good one, such a person can be a big help in determining where you are as a writer and what you need to do to get where you want to go.
Another idea that’s worked for me: Go to Fiverr.com and hire some beta readers that specialize in your genre. Many of them are uber readers and will give you opinions that you’re likely to get from real readers should you publish your book.
This can help you in two ways:
- Getting folks signed up and reading your stuff can make you feel like you’re “doing something,” which is motivating and can get you back into writing again.
- Feedback from others (besides the editors and agents rejecting you) can help you gain more insights into your story and your writing.
- You can use that feedback to polish your story and try submitting again, or to self-publish the book should you choose to do that.
Writing Rejection Symptom 9: I Feel Blah.
If you’re like most writers, you work like a dog. You write, edit, research, submit, and do everything you can to grow your author platform. Every spare minute is spent on some writing-related activity.
Then you get rejected. You go through all the symptoms. You struggle to treat yourself and get better. In the end, you’re feeling worn out and used up.
Most likely, you’re in dire need of some fun.
Treatment: Get out and do something you enjoy with some upbeat, positive people. Just a few experiences like this can do a lot toward helping you get over a writing rejection. All you have to do is commit to doing it. Make room in your schedule, plan it, and go.
Writing Rejection Symptom 10: I Don’t Want to Start Over Again
Once you’ve had the flu, you don’t want to have the flu again.
Same with a writing rejection—please God, let me avoid these for the rest of my life.
When you’re ready to get back to writing, these emotions interfere with your forward momentum. What do you do now? Start all over with another novel? That could take a year or more. And what if that one is rejected too?
Should you try another genre? Maybe a short story? Or something else?
It can be hard to decide. And you need to decide to get back into writing again. After all, writers write.
Treatment: Take some time to decide on your next project. I have a process outlined in this post that may help. Or choose any process that helps you narrow down your options. Enjoy the process itself—don’t rush it. Let your inner child come out and play.
Bottom Line: Take Care of Yourself
No matter what you do after a writing rejection, take care of yourself. Realize that no matter how long you’ve been doing this, it’s always going to affect you. Treat yourself like you would a good friend and you’ll be writing again before you know it.
Featured image by cottonbro studio.