How to Keep the Naysayers from Getting You Down

Naysayers are everywhere these days.

Writers have to be brave.

To achieve the one goal we all share—to find readers—we have to continuously put ourselves out there, not only with our stories and books, but with our websites, blogs, social media posts, podcasts, newsletters, and more.

And putting ourselves out there means one thing: we risk being criticized or put down by the naysayers of the world.

Most writers have experienced it at one point or another. You put out a blog and one of your regular readers complains or criticizes. People scrutinize your social media posts. Or you share some of your accomplishments only to be torn down.

However it happens, it’s likely to happen to you. The question is, how do you deal with it so it doesn’t bring you down?

What is a Naysayer?

According to the dictionary, a naysayer is “a person who habitually expresses negative or pessimistic views.”

When you’re dealing with someone who’s taken time out of his or her day to criticize you, put you down, throw water on your fire, or try to cause you to doubt yourself, it’s good to remember this definition.

This is a person who “habitually” expresses negative views.

Now granted, you may not know the person, and you may not know why she is expressing the views she is. But here’s the thing: that’s not your concern.

Your concern is keeping your head up and your motivation strong for your writing. That’s your job as a writer, and you already know that it’s not always easy.

Writers frequently struggle to stay motivated and to keep self-doubt and discouragement at bay. You have enough to deal with without having to face unnecessary and unwarranted criticism, too.

So first things first: recognize the naysayer for a naysayer, and act accordingly.

7 Tips to Help You Deal with the Naysayers

Next, you need to get your head straight about the incident.

Our first reaction is usually to feel hurt, and then maybe that hurt morphs into anger, or shame. All outcomes are bad for your writing, and for your inner creative artist.

Have no doubt—what the naysayer says or does isn’t your responsibility, but what you say or do in response absolutely is. It’s your responsibility to take care of yourself. Here are seven tips to help you do just that.

Deal with the Naysayers Tip 1. Don’t take it personally.

You hear this advice all the time, right? And it’s much easier said and done. But the truth is, over 90 percent of the time, the naysayer’s comments have absolutely nothing to do with you. Most of the things people say are reflections of themselves rather than true comments about anything you’ve put out there.

Maybe the person was having a bad day. Maybe she was feeling bad about some criticism that she, herself, recently suffered. There could be many reasons why she felt the need to lash out, and you just happened to be in her sights.

The more you can remember this, the more you can reduce any hurt or anger you may feel. Then you can choose whether to respond in a kind and rational way, or not to respond at all (often the best course of action).

2. Remember the big picture.

Writers are known for nursing negative comments.

We can receive 100 positive ones and one negative one and we remember the negative one, often ruminating over it and allowing it to sabotage our progress.

When you get that one negative comment, try to remember your inclinations, and flood yourself with positive thoughts to counteract it.

Look up old positive comments you’ve received in the past. Remind yourself of the progress you’ve made over the past several months. Go over your recent accomplishments. Remember that in the overall scheme of things, this is just one comment from one person. That can help you put it into perspective.

Deal with the Naysayers Tip 3. Recognize the danger.

If you allow yourself to listen to a naysayer, or allow any of what he’s saying to penetrate your creative heart, you’re putting your dreams at risk.

A naysayer tends to be negative and skeptical, and is the opposite of encouraging, which is what you need to make your dreams grow.

Every second you spend thinking about the comment or the person or the possibility that he could be right and you really don’t know what you’re doing is another bucket of water that you’re pouring over your motivational fire. Before long, you could be suffering a major blow to your self-confidence, all because you allowed what one person said to affect you.

A naysayer presents a very real and present danger to you. See it as the toxin it is and shield yourself from it. Remove it from your post or your social media feed. If you can’t, refuse to look at it again.

If it was a comment you heard in person, do your best to erase it from your memory. Distract yourself. Talk to a good friend who encourages you. Perform a “self-rescue” as soon as possible!

4. Don’t engage.

You may have the best of intentions when you answer a naysayer, but almost all the time, doing so will only make the problem worse.

You may try to explain your position, provide a rational argument, or understand where the other person is coming from.

The problem is that if you’re dealing with a naysayer, all you’re going to get for your efforts are more negative comments, and that’s not what you need. Worst-case scenario, you could end up being dragged into a long and drawn out argument, which will only cause you and possibly your reputation more damage.

Your best approach most every time is to ignore the comment and move on.

Deal with the Naysayers Tip 5. Talk to a positive friend.

Reach out to one of your more positive writing friends. Let her know what happened, and ask her what she thinks about it.

Usually your encouraging friends will help douse any doubt you have within minutes. “What is she talking about? Is she nuts? That makes no sense.”

Hearing this from a friend can be just what you need to allow the comment to roll off your back.

6. Stand by your choices.

The presence of a naysayer in your life can be helpful in one way: It can result in you becoming even more confident in your path.

Let’s say you choose to be a writer, and a naysayer in your life questions that choice, tells you it’s a bad one, or predicts you’ll never make it.

How do you feel when that happens? You may feel hurt or angry, but go a little deeper. Do you also feel a little rebellious, a little more like sticking to your goal just to “show them?”

If you sense that feeling inside you, focus on it, and let it grow. This is your intuition telling you that you absolutely are on the right path, and you need to keep going regardless of what the naysayers say. In the end, the experience can help you become even stronger as you pursue your goal.

Deal with the Naysayers Tip 7. Remind yourself of your vision.

When a naysayer comes around, it’s usually a sign that you’re making progress in your writing career.

Somehow, you got that naysayer to notice you, which means you’re probably gathering momentum. Usually the more you accomplish, the louder the naysayers get.

So in a way, this is a good sign! Use the experience as an opportunity to revisit the vision you have for your writing career. Are you still going the direction you want to go? Does your work reflect the vision you have for yourself? Are the various pieces–your website, blog, social media, etc.—all fitting together, to present your vision to the world?

If not, how can you make changes or updates to bring your work closer to what you have in mind?

Think about exactly what you want to get out of your writing career, and then ask yourself if it’s worth it to derail any of that for a naysayer.

Don’t Let the Naysayers Get You Down!

You have the courage to create a writing career. You are the one making the effort. It’s easy to try to tear someone down. It’s a lot harder to build something up in the first place. Give yourself credit, reaffirm your vision, and then move forward again.

Remember that the naysayer has no power over you or your career…unless you give it to him.

How do you deal with naysayers?