Ask yourself this: When was the last time I got some “me time?”
Maybe you’re a writer with a big family.
A mom or dad who’s constantly running after the kids.
A caretaker or a full-time professional.
You may find it difficult to make room for your writing.
There’s a solution, though, that can work for even the most harried of writers: Make your writing part of your “me time.”
Don’t have any me time? Let’s get some. Here’s how.
What is Me Time?
It’s a fairly new concept, defined as one’s own personal time to be alone, or when a person has to himself or herself to do something he or she enjoys.
The idea is connected to self-care and builds on the fact that we must take good care of ourselves if we expect to be there for others.
Of course, there’s always something else that needs to be done and someone else who could use our help, but if we neglect ourselves in the process, we soon become irritable, tired, and distracted, and eventually unable to do much good for anyone.
This is especially true of writers who neglect their writing. If you feel compelled or called to write, it’s a part of you that needs the be expressed, and the longer you resist, the more bottled up you’re going to feel.
“I knew without a doubt I HAD to heed this call in spite of what anyone else said or did,” writes author Michelle Monet. “Whether anyone responded to me or my writing didn’t matter. I knew I had to listen to my muse and follow this new quest.”
In an ideal world, we’d all be able to write every morning or every night, or after the kids have gone to bed, or on the weekends when the spouse is home, or however things are “supposed” to be. But sometimes you may simply have too many responsibilities in your life to make that happen.
So what do you do?
Writers, Accept Your Life As It Is
First, it’s important to modify your expectations. If you truly cannot find a way to fit your writing in every day, it’s best to acknowledge that fact and all the consequences that go with it.
If you can’t write often, it’s going to take you longer to finish your stories, build a platform, find a publisher or self-publish, etc. Your entire timeline has to be extended.
You may resist this at first, believing that somehow you can still finish that book next month even if you only work on it during the weekends. But this sort of thinking leads to discouragement and frustration, and you may eventually quit writing altogether.
Instead, take a realistic view of your life right now. If you’re caring for a parent, adapting to a blended family, or dealing with an illness, accept that these things will affect your writing time, then adjust accordingly.
How a Set “Me Time” Can Benefit Writers
Once you’ve set aside your strict expectations, continue to honor yourself and your creative soul by scheduling some “me time” on a regular basis—whatever works for you. This is critical to your self-care and your ability to continue to be there for the ones you love.
The concept of “me time” came about in response to our modern-day busy lives, where we all find it difficult to get away from the non-stop demands of work and family.
Over the past few decades, we’ve learned that the constant on-the-go lifestyle isn’t good for us or those around us. While searching for solutions, we landed on the idea of simply honoring ourselves with one of our most important resources: time.
Before “me time” became a widely accepted idea, many of us felt guilty about wanting to get away and enjoy some time alone now and then. We worried doing something we enjoyed was selfish or indulgent, so we tended to squash any desires we had to do so.
Now, however, we know that the real danger lies in not getting some time to ourselves now and then.
What Research Says About Me Time
Chronic stress destroys health and is a prominent factor in many of our modern-day killers like heart disease and cancer.
Our brains, too, suffer from being constantly “on.” We struggle to maintain focus and concentration and become vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
If you struggle to justify time for yourself, consider what the research has shown us:
- Those who make more time for themselves reduce stress and the risk of depression and anxiety.
- People who spend more “me time” are more creative than those who spend less. It also helps boost creativity.
- Me time is more important for healthy relationships than date nights. The ideal amount of me time in one study on the issue: 51 minutes a day, or about 6 hours a week.
5 Ways to Make Writing Part of Your Me Time
If you’re running ragged, personal time is important no matter how you decide to spend it. But if you’re struggling to fit writing in, you may want to combine your me time with your writing time.
After all, writing is something you do for yourself. You feel better after you write, right? So it makes sense that it could work well as part of your personal relaxation time.
If you are at a loss as to how you’re going to find 45-60 minutes a few times a week, try these tips.
1. Combine your personal time with your other activities.
Usually, we think of getting away from everything so we can be alone and at peace. But that’s not always possible. Here’s where combining activities can work.
The problem with believing your personal time has to be separate is that you can feel like your sanity is always hanging on a thread until you can get to that precious hour—until the kids are in bed, the job is done, the errands are completed, etc.
Instead, realize that you need to always be taking care of yourself even as you’re taking care of others. Take a notebook with you and write during the kids’ soccer game. Pack your gym shoes and take a quick walk during your lunch hour.
Use a recording app on your cell phone to record your thoughts for a new blog post while driving to work (hands-free of course!). Listen to an audiobook about writing or platform-building. Go over your plot while you’re running, and write down your ideas when you finish.
Think about how you can take care of yourself throughout the day, instead of for only one hour a day. Include your need to write and express yourself, as that is part of self-care for a writer.
2. Start small.
It may seem beyond impossible to find an hour per day for yourself to start, so find 15 minutes instead, and build from there.
Get up 15 minutes before everyone else does and use that time to work on your story or simply write in a journal. Remain in your car for 15 minutes after work and use that time as you like. Take 15 minutes before bed to brainstorm ideas for your next chapter.
Once you have succeeded in setting aside 15 minutes a day for a couple of weeks, try extending it to 20. Continue to build until you have your 45-60 minutes a day.
3. Say “no.”
This is all about honoring your health and well being, and sometimes that’s difficult. We can be drawn into activities we don’t want to do because someone makes us feel guilty or because we feel obligated for one reason or another.
Saying no is a skill you can develop over time. Again, start small. Say no to little things you know won’t bother others too much, then start practicing saying it when you know others will be disappointed.
It takes courage, and you may feel nervous doing it, but gaining this skill is critical to your health and well being, say nothing of your writing dreams.
“When we say ‘yes’ instead of ‘no,’” writes author Leslie Shore, “it’s because we’re afraid of disappointing someone, or we think it will affect how we are looked at as an employee or friend. A YES in that situation isn’t a sincere ‘yes.’ It’s not an honest ‘yes.’ It’s a YES out of fear. So a NO that is coming from healthy boundaries is better in the short and long run than a yes that is fear-driven. It takes courage to say NO.”
4. Get together with others.
If you’re a mom, you probably know other moms who desperately need some me time (dads too!). Try combining your efforts—babysit the kids for a couple of hours one day so the other moms (or dads) can get away, then swap.
You can do this with carpooling too. Work out a schedule with your neighbors so you don’t have to take the kids to their activities every time.
Don’t forget: you can hire babysitters and caregivers, too. You may have a hard time justifying the expense, but this is your health and well being we’re talking about. Even a once-a-month treat can give you the time that you need to restore yourself.
5. Give something up.
Even the best of time-management efforts can come up short when it comes to making time for your writing. We have to make choices in our lives. Sometimes the only option is to give something else up.
Look over everything you’re spending time doing. Then consider the little time you’re getting on your writing. Is your writing less important than the things you are spending time on? If so, then maybe that’s the best for now.
But if your writing is more important than one of those activities, maybe it’s time to put your money where your mouth is and dump that other activity so you can write.
How do you find more me time/writing time in your life?
Sources
Gervis, Zoya. “‘Me-time’ is More Important for a Healthy Relationship Than Date Nights.” New York Post. Last modified December 16, 2019. https://nypost.com/2019/12/16/me-time-is-more-important-for-a-healthy-relationship-than-date-nights/.
“‘Me Time’ Has a Lot of Mental Health Benefits, Study Finds.” Deccan Chronicle. Last modified November 24, 2017. https://www.deccanchronicle.com/lifestyle/health-and-wellbeing/241117/me-time-has-a-lot-of-mental-health-benefits-study-finds.html.
Rahhal, Natalie. “‘Me Time’ Improves Mental Health Through Creativity.” Mail Online. Last modified November 23, 2017. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-5112007/Me-time-improves-mental-health-creativity.html.
Shore, Leslie. “The Courage To Say No.” Dumb Little Man. Last modified November 30, 2016. https://www.dumblittleman.com/say-no/.