With Father’s Day coming up soon, I was thinking about the many things I learned from my dad when I was growing up.
One of thirteen kids, he quit school early to get a job and help support his family. Later, he enlisted in the Marines and served overseas in WWII. When he got back stateside, he went into business, eventually working his way up to owning his own real estate company.
My dad could build or fix anything with his hands. He was a gifted mechanic and carpenter, and when he wasn’t working, he took a 10-acre piece of bare land and made a ranch out of it, complete with fencing, a barn, corrals, an alfalfa field, a chicken house, a tack room, and more.
I lost my dad to cancer in 2003, but the lessons he taught me are still with me. Below are the five that apply most easily to the writing life.
1. The Harder You Work the Luckier You Get
“The harder you work, the luckier you get” is by far the phrase that I most equate with my father. He said it often (and modeled it always), and though my brothers and I got tired of hearing it as kids, it’s the most important lesson we learned from him, and the most important one for writers, too.
There’s no getting around it: Writers have to work hard to reach their goals. Most of us are fitting our writing in between our day jobs, child-rearing, and other responsibilities, and once we publish, we must find the time to market our books and build our platforms too.
All this means one thing: a lot of hours, usually in addition to your job and other regular tasks. I’ve found that my dad’s saying holds true, though, which is motivating. It puts the power squarely in your hands to make what you will of your writing career.
2. Never Argue with Fool—Onlookers May Not Be Able to Tell the Difference
I thought my father originated this saying until I got a little older and realized it was attributed to Mark Twain (though whether Twain really said it seems up for debate).
This saying applies whenever a writer receiving a bad review is tempted to respond. The standard advice is to say nothing, and I think that’s good advice. Get into an argument with someone who’s criticizing your work and you could both end up looking foolish, and that would hurt you more than the commenter/reviewer.
Not all people who give your book less-than-stellar reviews are fools, but this is a good saying to remember anyway to keep yourself from ruining your reputation over someone else’s opinion.
3. Avoid Taking the Lazy Man’s Load
I always hear these words when I try to carry in all the groceries plus my French horn and purse from the car into the house, loading up my hands, arms, and fingers until the situation gets precarious and one false move results in something getting dropped and broken.
“You’re taking the lazy man’s load!”
In the writing world, there are no shortcuts. There is no way to build a readership overnight. You need to take all the necessary steps one by one, from learning to write, finding your voice, and practicing day after day, to editing and proofreading, to creating an online presence and being consistent in your branding.
Take each step in its due time, and you’ll be much more likely to experience success than if you take the lazy man’s load just to avoid some extra effort. I’ve yet to see any writer intent on shortcuts who built a lasting career.
4. Think! (Always Important in the Writing Life)
My dad was often perplexed when one of us kids pulled a bonehead move. “Think!” he would say, confused that we hadn’t done just that before taking whatever action it was that got us into trouble.
This can be a double-edged sword for writers. We often end up thinking too much and taking too little action as a result. But we can also be guilty of doing stupid things that we might have avoided had we thought them through.
Some examples may include self-publishing a book with a subpar cover, failing to get your book edited, neglecting to put “buy” links for your books on your website, ignoring your subscriber list, or using unprofessional author photos.
Remember that your writing—if you want to make money from it—is a business, and you should treat it like one. That means thinking through how you’re presenting yourself and your work on the market.
5. Being Strong Will Get You Through (the Writing Life)
Besides his intelligence (my dad always won at Trivial Pursuit), his strength was one of the characteristics we all admired about him. He was not only physically strong even into his 80s, but mentally strong, as well.
I’ll never forget going to see him after he got out of brain surgery. He was sitting in the hospital bed with his head wrapped in gauze joking about how this was all he needed—another hole in the head. I wondered how he could have the strength to joke about something most of us would find terribly frightening.
But Dad never let anything get him down, and he didn’t complain. He bore what was his to bear, and I try to remember that lesson well, though I know I often fall short of his strength.
We writers must remember this too, as we are continually tested. Each novel that you struggle to finish, each rejection, and each lackluster book launch is a challenge you must overcome to keep going. And though others may encourage you, the struggle is yours to endure.
Writers who last are strong, stubborn writers. They don’t let their setbacks or the difficult publishing industry get them down. They keep going no matter what because they love writing, and they can put that love first and bear the rest.
I thank my dad (and my mom, who’s also a very strong person) for giving me such great examples to follow. If you’re struggling in your writing life, I encourage you to find someone in your life you admire who exudes strength and take that example into your heart. It’s not easy being strong when you have to be, but it’s a far better choice than the alternative.
What lessons did you learn from your father that you might apply to the writing life?